The Penners

Chartwell Castle Maze

2012-01-11T01:51:00.000-08:00

As a Christmas present to a family who has taken us in as some of their own here in Johannesburg, we thought it would be fun to give us all a bit of an adventure. We are not very good at giving "stuff" and we much prefer giving time and memories, so we decided to take the family to the Chartwell Castle Maze. On Christmas day, we gave them a rebus (a puzzle that uses pictures to depict words) that they had to decode that read: One trip to Chartwell Castle Maze on us! Chartwell Castle is about a 3-5 minute drive behind where we currently live. The "castle" is just a guest house that was built to look a bit like a castle. It's good in theory and certainly a good effort, but if you've ever been to a real castle, you might find this one amusing. Regardless, part of the attraction of the castle is the hedgerow maze. According to the Castle's website, this is the "largest uninterrupted hedgerow maze in the Southern world (and the third largest in the world) with over 900 conifers". The picture below is a picture of the maze taken from a helicopter (taken from the website). While this provides some entertainment on its own, it would have been a five-minute endeavor for this puzzle-loving family. So we decided to spruce (pun definitely intended) it up a bit.

Before they arrived, we went through the maze hiding different Ziplock bags full of candy. There were 5 bags, numbered 1, 2, 3, 4, and 6. Before they started the maze, we gave them a riddle that, once solved, told them how many bags they had to find. They had to find all five bags and then find Nathan in the center of the maze. Once this was completed successfully, Nathan asked them which number on the bags was missing, and they had to race to me (at the start of the maze) with the correct answer. It took about two hours for them to complete it, which was definitely an improvement from the five minutes it would have otherwise taken them to complete the maze. I am quite sure I, Adrianne, was the only one who managed to get lost in the maze.

The maze was peppered with lovely little stone sculptures! Nathan being the Nathan that he doesn't let most people see -- goofy!

Pictured above is Adrianne (far right, mostly cut off) reading the rules to the family before they began. We had a lot of fun -- and think they did too :)

Pilanesberg

2012-01-08T01:09:00.000-08:00

Just days before Christmas, we ventured out, along with another family (a Ph.D colleague of Nathan's, his wife, and their two-year-old daughter) on a two-day safari to Pilanesberg National Park in South Africa. Pilanesberg is about a 1.5 hour drive from our home in Johannesburg. Before we get to the safari, however, we have (what we think is) a very funny story.

We were to meet our friends over at their home at 6:30am on December 22 in order to leave for our safari. Our alarm went off bright and early. We got out of bed, packed our bags, made lunches for the next two days, put together several snacks and drinks, loaded the cooler with ice and headed out the door. At this point, however, we were running a bit late. We texted our friends to let them know we'd be a couple minutes behind. We shut down our place, locked our doors, loaded the car, got into the car and we were all set to head out the drive way. It was at this point that our friends called us, in response to our text, and said, "Um, you know we're not going on the safari until tomorrow, right?" Shoot. It was December 21st and we were a day early. We hung up the phone and rolled on the ground laughing for a lengthy period of time. We proceeded to unpack what we needed to and did it all over the next day -- except that time we actually left for our safari!

In focus in the picture above is Nathan snapping a picture of me in the backseat, with elephants in the blurred background.

Zebras!

Rhinos!

Warthogs... normally these are not that exciting. However, the babies were so fun to watch! Due to the time of year we went on this safari, we were able to see the young of all of the animals! We saw baby elephants, springbok, zebras, rhino, warthogs, giraffes, monkeys, ostrich, wildebeest, blesbok, impala, tsessebe, waterbuck, and hartebeest. I am sure there are others I am forgetting, but you get the idea.

Pictured above is Nathan with our friends' two-year-old! We love this girl! They are looking at the giraffes that were approaching the watering hole near where we had our picnic lunch on our second day. This was the highlight of the trip for all of us: We were eating lunch in a used-to-be restaurant in the middle of the park. The restaurant is currently undergoing management changes so we were able to use part of the building to eat our picnic lunch. The fence that was once erected to protect the restaurant patrons had been torn down and was laying on the ground. This allowed the animals to get very close to us, which was amazing! While we were eating we had three giraffes (pictured below), three ostrich, monkeys, mongoose, warthogs, and several guinea fowl just meters away from us. Beautiful!

We loved watching these giraffe. In the picture above, they were either practicing for the watering hole or licking salt from the dirt, we're not sure. The way they did this was wonderful: Two were always bent over while the third kept guard and they would rotate roles. In this picture you can see the two bent over are fairly young and the one keeping guard is much older. Not only is this obvious through their size, but the lighter brown their coat is, the younger they are.

Above is a picture of Caroline, her daughter, and Adrianne watching the lunchtime entertainment.

We like this picture of the giraffes because it's a bit of a maze. Not a difficult one to figure out, but a fun view.

Both of us at the top of one of the 'mountains' in the National Park! Behind us is an excellent view of Pilanesberg!

Above is a lion! We never got very close to this lion, which was a tad disappointing (remember: we're in a vehicle!), but it was fun to watch him nonetheless. What is happening in this picture was impossible to capture on camera, but a fun memory. There were a pack of zebras and wildebeest grazing nearby and they kept getting closer and closer to the lion. They were unaware of his presence, because before this picture was taken, he was laying down under a tree. The zebras, wildebeest, and a new pack of warthogs got fairly close and then this lion stood up and started walking toward them. All of the animals took off at an unbelievable speed! All of the animals except... one of the warthogs. There was a bit of a standoff between this male lion and a warthog, but eventually, the warthog backed down. As soon as the warthog turned and ran, the lion laid back down. We were hoping to see a kill, but it's typically the lioness who does the killing for a pride of lions. Oh well. Of course, there are many, many more pictures we could share, but these few capture some of the more magnificent animals!

Merry Christmas

2012-01-05T02:31:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas from South Africa! Our Christmas celebrations were unusual, to say the least, but we did the best we could do make it a celebration! Our Christmas Eve was spent watching the movie Elf and baking cinnamon rolls with some good friends (Christmas Eve church services are few and far between here, so that was not part of our celebration unfortunately.) On Christmas morning we exchanged gifts with each other, which were piled behind our South African Christmas tree! Pictured is a hand-made wire baobab tree with red beads on the ends. In the tree we have three ornaments, though you can really only see two of them in this picture. The other two are a grey rhino and a brown giraffe shoved into the tree (we forgot to get ornament wires for them). We wrapped our presents in boxes and newspaper we found in the recycling hut behind our house. The newspaper was once used as packing buffers for a package that went through the mail. We managed to get enough of the wrinkles out to make it work :)

We found some stockings at the Bryanston Organic Market that we love! They are handmade by a group of women called "Out of Alex". "Alex" is referring to Alexandra -- one of the hardest places to live in Johannesburg. These women sew tablecloths, napkins, etc. in order to raise money for the Grandmother's Houses they run in Alex (not orphanages, but similar in nature). We were excited to find these stockings! The one on the left is Nathan's -- if you zoom in on the picture, you'll notice it has a more "male" theme to it. The one on the right is Adrianne's. They both have a South African flag stitched on the back of the taxi (the stitching nearest to the toe). Also, our Advent Calendar we bought from Woolworths (or Woolies, as the locals call it).

After we exchanged gifts we went to the church we've gone to a few times now. Then over to the Derr's (same place we spent Thanksgiving) for a South African Christmas braai (a bunch of meat on a grill) with three other World Vision International families and some people form their neighborhood. We didn't get too many pictures of everyone together that day, but here is a picture of Nathan talking to a few of the men at the celebration. This was a fascinating day. We celebrated with American, Zambian, German, British, Malawian, and Zimbabweans! The family from Zimbabwe had just arrived in South Africa and were incredibly generous with the stories they told about life in Zimbabwe. We read about and hear the horror stories from Zimbabwe, but on Christmas Day we listened to amazing stories of the resilience, innovation, and life in the Zimbabwean people through the toughest of trials. What a joy it was to listen to the stories!

Our New Year's was pretty calm. We watched a movie and made dinner with some friends (the same friends from Christmas Eve) on New Year's Eve and then spent New Year's Day working! Though we did order pizza (pictures coming soon), per a Penner family tradition! That was the first time we have ordered pizza since being in this country and my oh my was it a treat!

Merry (belated) Christmas and Happy New Year!

Thanksgiving (Posting this really late, we realize...)

2011-12-17T10:24:00.000-08:00

To celebrate the American Thanksgiving holiday, we spent the day with several families from the World Vision South African Regional team. The first picture below is of one of the turkeys (of 4) being grilled. The turkeys here are incredibly small (about the size of a chicken), so our Thanksgiving hosts prepared 4 turkeys. One turkey was fresh out of the oven, one was cooked the night before and served as cold cuts, and two were grilled.

Here is our failed attempt at making Zwiebach. I'm quite sure I messed up the recipe, first of all (they were grossly salty), and then because of the way altitude affects rising behaviors, they were either swollen to the point the Zwiebach's "head" fell off, or they didn't rise much at all (depending on the batch). Oi. So we put these in the food line next to store-bought rolls :)

Nathan spent a lot of his time at the grill, which he loved. I was the meat-messenger.

Here is a picture of everyone gathering for the prayer (Nathan and I are at the grill). Attending this celebration were families from the Philippines, Canada, South Africa, Zambia, Japan, and of course, the United States. My favorite dish was the Turkey Adobo ( a Philippino dish). We were very grateful for a place to celebrate the holiday!

Around the House

2011-12-16T11:22:00.000-08:00

We were asked where we do laundry... Below is a picture taken from our back window. The little hut on the right has a washing machine inside and we hang-dry all of our clothes. You'll notice in this picture that it has been raining a lot, because most of the clothes we brought with us to South Africa are on this line. As much as I love hang-drying clothes (seriously, it brings me great joy), doing laundry during the rainy season can be quite an adventure--or altogether non-existent. A couple weeks ago, our clothes were on the line and while it was clear and sunny out our front window, we heard a huge crack of thunder. The storms come in a hurry here -- it can be sunny one moment and dark skies and rainy the next. Nathan looked at the darker skies from the back window and called for an 'urgent gathering of the clothes'! We walked to our clothes thinking we had a few minutes, but just as we arrived to our clothes (about a 30-second walk), it was raining.

Then, just yesterday, it was sunny in all directions but we started hearing the sound of rain on our roof. A sunshower! I was first introduced to these when I lived in Australia and they happen with uncanny frequency here. We both looked at each other, Nathan called for an 'emergency gathering of the clothes' and we ran out the door as quickly as we could, got all of the clothes off the line and ran them inside with unbelievable speed. Moments later, the rain stopped. The good news was the clothes were dry and what is typically a commonplace task was a lot of fun that day! A sunshower in South African English is known as a "monkey's wedding" (a rough translation from the Zulu saying and belief) and in Afrikaans, it is known as a "jackal's wedding" (translated). Read the Wikipedia page linked above on the traditional beliefs behind sunshowers, it is quite interesting!

The bird life around our house is a real highlight. The first picture below is a little bird who tries to get into our place by knocking on our window with his beak. We think he does this because the reflection on the window of the trees outside is very bright, so we think he's trying to get to the trees he sees in the window. Whatever the case, he is very cute.

The picture below is one of our many male weavers that live in the weaver colony in our front yard. This poor weaver has a cruel wife. We know this because in weaver culture, the male weaves a nest and if the female isn't pleased with the nest, she snips it off the tree and the male has to start all over (there has to be some kind of metaphor or illustration here). A few weeks ago this weaver was building a nest, but a few days later we saw his nest on the ground. In this picture, he is working on the second nest (that we're aware of) and doing a fine job, in our opinion. However, after we came back from Durban, this nest was also on the ground. For the last couple days, he has been sitting on the branch where the nest pictured used to be, looking a little lost--probably trying to figure out when his once-cool wife turned so high-maintenance.

Below is a picture of three of the weaver nests in the colony. We really enjoy watching these birds!

Irene Market and the Johannesburg Symphony Choir

2011-12-13T07:55:00.000-08:00

One of our favorite things to do in South Africa ("our" should probably read "Adrianne's") is visit the many, many markets here. On Saturday, we went to the Irene Market (pronounced Iree-knee in Afrikaans). This is an Afrikaner market. An Afrikaner, according to Wikipedia's wording, is an ethnic group in Southern Africa descended from almost equal numbers of Dutch, French, and German settlers whose native tongue is Afrikaans (a Germanic language, which derives primarily from 17th century Dutch, and a variety of other languages). Afrikaans is another one of the 11 official languages in South Africa.

Venturing a guess, about 95% of the people who attend this market are Afrikaners and about 80% of the people selling food, crafts, plants, etc. are Afrikaners. Ironically, our two purchases came from non-Afrikaners. The first was a crepe for Nathan (the making of said crepe is pictured below). Our second purchase was a wall-hanging with a painting of an Ndebele Tribe symbol that used to be painted on homes to indicate an Ndebele presence inside the home. You can learn more about these house paintings, its history, colours, symbols, etc. -- at this Wikipedia link. We've been looking for a wall hanging lately, trying to make our home a bit more -- ours. This hanging will help a lot!

The picture below is just to show you a few Afrikaans words. We know the third word down is "Waffles" -- we're not so sure on the others! We don't really feel the need to learn Afrikaans, given that only 30% of South Africans are white, and the white population is divided between English-speakers and Afrikaans-speakers (a rough history and tension that lives into today exists between these two different populations). We have learned how to say "Thank you very much", however, because it sounds just like the English, "Buy a donkey?" We find this rather entertaining and, to us, the joke doesn't seem to be getting old. At the Irene Market, however, everyone assumes if you're white, you're an Afrikaner, so people were speaking to us in Afrikaans all morning. Our deer-in-the-headlights look usually tipped them off to our cluelessness.

On Saturday evening, we continued our endeavor into the Afrikaner culture a bit by attending the Johannesburg Symphony Choir Christmas Concert! This was AMAZING! We both had smiles ear-to-ear throughout the concert. The songs were outstanding, very interactive with the audience (every few songs we sang a well-known Christmas carol and the entire audience joined in--such a beautiful sound), and the room was filled with the most life-giving spirit. To top it off, we were both pleasantly surprised at how Gospel-centered the evening was. The conductor must be a Christian, because before each song, he told the next part of the Christmas story and how each song helped tell the story. They sang songs in German, Welsh, French, English, Latin, and Afrikaans. The music was absolutely amazing and we greatly look forward to another opportunity to hear this symphony choir again.

We're still getting used to the subtle language differences within South African English. Below is pictured the South African English spelling of "Noel".

Here is a picture of Adrianne's arm... At the very end of the concert, they did an encore and sang the only "popular" Christmas tune of the evening, "Jingle Bells". The conductor gave the crowd actions, which you might think would be cheesy--and maybe they were--but they were a lot of fun and the crowd really got into it. Pictured below, Adrianne is shaking our car keys to the words, "Jingle Bells". The concert was a blast and even though we brought the average age in the concert hall down by about 25 years, the camaraderie of Christmas spirit in the room was palpable.

Durban/Pietermaritzburg

2011-12-12T07:35:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Durban! To celebrate our 2-year wedding anniversary, we went a couple days early to the Kwazulu-Natal province of South Africa so we could celebrate in beautiful Durban. In the pictures below, you can see the Indian Ocean in the background! We happened to be there on an unbelievably windy day, so the ocean's waves were not the least bit welcoming (this is also why Adrianne is wearing Nathan's swimsuit, her skirt turned out to be a horrible idea). Our trip was unintentionally timed well though. We were there during the 17th annual Conference of Parties to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change. This was well-timed for us because it meant the city was inordinately clean, highly secured, and bustling with entertainment. Our time there, however, was spent in one place (for those of you who know Adrianne well, this will come as absolutely no surprise)...

On our walk to the uShaka Marine World, we stopped to play around the public pools on the beach front. The picture above is Nathan posing nicely, the picture below captures Adrianne nearly falling into one of the pools (this was hilarious). These pools are set up to be some kind of game, but we could not figure it out. There are numbers painted on the bottom of the pools and there are three or four pools in a row with increasing numbers, each pool has what looks like a shotput platform at one end. We'll try to learn about this next time we're there (unless someone out there knows?).

uShaka Marine World is right on the coast and is a very impressive aquarium and aquatic theme park! They highlight a number of marine animals that are exclusively on South Africa's coast, though our pictures of these animals did not turn out as well as we had hoped. uShaka Marine World is named after Shaka kaSenzangakhona, also known as Shaka Zulu, who is labeled the most influential leader of the Zulu Kingdom. We thought uShaka meant "shark" in Zulu (one of the 11 official languages in South Africa), but alas, we were wrong. Due to the presence of the United Nations Conference on Climate Change, the aquarium emphasized the impact of climate change on marine life. This was fascinating and extremely informative. South Africa also just launched a phone number that you can text (or "sms" to use the African term--actually, we think this term is used in all Commonwealth countries) before ordering seafood at a restaurant or buying it in a store, and within seconds they will send you information on whether or not it is wise to consume the stated seafood, based on its population (e.g. prawns--aka shrimp--are now on a watch list in southern Africa because of over-fishing). We think this is brilliant and really hope people use it--ourselves included.

The other half of the uShaka Marine World is a water park! Adrianne was giddy the entire time we rode the slides--we had an absolute blast! Below is a picture of the lazy river. The best thing about this lazy river is that it wound through the aquarium so you'd float by the shark tanks, penguin tanks, seal and dolphin tanks, etc. Loved it! This picture is a tad misleading though, because it would lead you to believe the park was busy, however, this is not the truth. We never waited more than a minute or two before riding a slide and frequently we walked right onto the slides!

Below is a picture of three of the water slides. The one on the right was our favorite. There is a grown man going down the slide on the left, hopefully that gives you a bit of scale as to how ridiculously tall these slides were. Adrianne was a tad scared to go down the one on the left, but ended up loving it. From the tower where you get on the slides, you're looking at the ocean (just over our shoulders taking the picture). So beautiful!

A few more slides. There were 16 slides in this park -- all of which (okay, except one, but it was good in theory) were fast, fun, creative, and some had really entertaining landings (Nathan's favorite was one that poured you into a pool sideways at a very high speed--this is difficult to explain). A day at the aquarium and water park was the perfect way to spend an anniversary!

Below is a picture of our little (emphasis on little) cabin that we stayed in for the two nights we were in Durban. We stayed at a backpackers lodge (Hippo Hide). It served its purpose -- we were really only there to sleep because we were in late and out the door very early.

Now, welcome to Pietermaritzburg! Pietermaritzburg is 70km West of Durban. An interesting bit of information we learned while on the trip is between Durban and Pietermaritzburg, lives the largest Indian population outside of India. Over 1 million Indian people live between these two relatively small cities.

This is a beautiful city with the most amazing plant and animal life. Nathan had 3 very successful interviews in Pietermaritzburg -- a very worthwhile trip. While in Pietermaritzburg, we stayed at the African Enterprises conference center. Below is a picture of the monkeys (or "pests" if you live there) that are constantly trying to get into the chalets, kitchens, garbage, etc. Here you can see one of the monkeys trying to get through the window to the chalet next to us. Pests, maybe, but we thought they were adorable (read: we don't live there).

This is a picture we snapped quickly on our way into the African Enterprises conference center. They have a beautiful stream with cascades (pictured, if you zoom) and two very large waterfalls on their campus. Stunning! The bamboo grows like weeds in the area (and they are treated like weeds, frequently being chopped down), but the atmosphere is absolutely stunning.

Below is Adrianne looking at the cascades -- we thought we should probably post a picture of a face!

Below is a picture of our chalet at the AE conference center. The monkeys are nearby, hoping we forget to close our door.

Things are going really well for us. Nathan has made great strides with his research, Adrianne has landed a job (more details on this coming soon), and we're starting to plant some roots in Johannesburg. We're pretty excited about the way this adventure is shaping up! Praise the Lord!

Trains, Trees, and Treats

2011-11-19T11:12:00.001-08:00

On Thursday, Nathan and I rode the Gautrain (high-speed rail) to get to a meeting at the airport. This is an extremely fancy high-speed rail -- very pleasant to ride on! The down side is that it is a bit expensive so it won't be a frequent thing for us. This train turns what would be a 45-minute drive (not rush hour) into a 15-minute train ride! To explain the name: We live in the Gauteng province of South Africa. South Africa has 9 provinces and the Gauteng province includes both Johannesburg (the largest city) and Pretoria (the capital city), so it is a densely populated province. Gauteng is pronounced How-tang. The name, then, is the Gau (How) Train. Clever, hey?

South Africa is gearing up for Christmas and I could not be more thankful! I know people back in the States would be grumbling if this many Christmas decorations were out before Thanksgiving, but since Thanksgiving doesn't exist here (not the American version of this holiday, anyway), the first of November ushers in the Christmas decor. I am thankful for this because this will be my first Christmas in 90 degree weather. Being an Iowan, Christmas is hot chocolate, snow, sledding, snowmen, sweaters, fires in the fireplace...and all the other sentiments heard in popular Christmas tunes. Needless to say, none of that will be happening this year, so I am thankful for the early (to me) arrival of Christmas decor, because it will give me time to make a bit of a paradigm shift. The two Christmas trees above are absolutely magnificent and are not done justice in these pictures. The picture on the left is the Christmas tree in the O.R. Tambo airport and the second Christmas tree (the ever-popular African baobab tree) is in Nelson Mandela Square in Sandton City (the Beverly Hills of Johannesburg). If you click on the baobab picture to zoom in on it, you'll see the silhouette of a statue to the left of the tree -- that is the large bronze statue of Nelson Mandela. I was hoping to get a picture of him in the day time, but as you can see from the reflections on the ground, it had just stopped raining after several hours, so I was not able to get a picture of him in the daylight.

Today was market day! This, if you don't know, is one of my favorite things to do. I love shopping at markets like this one, the Bryanston Organic Market, for the atmosphere, the people, the culture, the fresh foods, the new ideas, and the conversations. Above are two pictures I snapped quickly (trying to fit in does not include carrying a camera around your neck) of some of the fruit and vegetable stands. This market has everything though: Shoes, clothes, toys, jewelry, food, restaurants, handicrafts, and the list goes on. Below is a picture of my new favorite thing: Vegan ice cream. How is that possible, you ask? Given that vegan means that the food can contain absolutely nothing to do with animals (no dairy is the given, but it is so much more intense than that: No honey, for example). Well, the base of this ice cream is... any guesses?

Avocado! Yes, the base of this dark chocolate ice cream is avocado and this ice cream could not be more delicious! It's 100% raw, vegan, and amazing. This is a highlight of this particular market for me!

This is a picture of what my kitchen counter looked like when we got home. This picture epitomizes joy for me: Fresh and healthy foods, farmers supported with fair wages, a lot of fun meals to be cooked, and people to cook for! We also went to a Chinese market today -- this was Nathan's favorite part of the day. We spent a long time talking to the Chinese gentleman who owns the store about how to make dumplings and spring rolls (two of my next cooking endeavors) as well as a bit of his journey to Johannesburg. Our conversation could have lasted a lot longer, but alas, a line formed in the check-out lane and our conversation will have to be continued.

A Monday for the Penners

2011-11-14T08:38:00.001-08:00

To begin, I have to note that this is not a typical day for Adrianne as she is battling a minor head cold. Otherwise, this post is intended to give a bit of an idea of what a random day looks like for us here in the northern suburbs of Johannesburg.

The day began at about 6:30am when Nathan rolled out of bed. This was a good morning, the sky was clear, the air was crisp (thanks to the long-awaited thunderstorm the night before). But the best part of this morning is that the wild geese did not greet us at 5:00am, per their usual routine. This was the first time they have not visited since we moved in. Nathan likes to think it was because of the flying lemon that almost greeted yesterday's goose (thanks to the lemon tree by our front steps, Nathan has a lot of ammunition).

While Adrianne was continuing her fight with the head cold by sleeping a bit longer, Nathan quickly checked his email and then did the dishes from last night's dinner (homemade bronco burgers, homemade fries, and a nice big salad). After the cleanup was done Nathan made some oatmeal with peaches for Adrianne and a bowl of granola, yogurt and peaches for himself.

After breakfast we both got down to business. Adrianne began an exceptionally productive day of grading Christian Ethics posts for the online classes she is helping with--a great way to start the week for her TA work. All while inhailing Halls Vitamin C drops and African Rooibos tea with honey (mostly honey today). Thankfully, today provided a break in the heat wave that has been blowing in from Botswana which makes tea taste a lot better.

Meanwhile, Nathan worked on transcribing an interview, tedious work that needs to be done. He also spent a lot of time sending out emails, texts messages, and making phone calls to setup future interviews and road trips to Botswana and Durban, South Africa.

In the midst of all this academic work, we continued our ongoing discussion about what our future holds. We try very hard to be intentional about trusting in God's guidance as we seek the counsel of our community. It looks like we will be having a lot of big decisions to make in the next 3 weeks, which we are excited to make (and finally share publicly, once it is all finalized) having been waiting for them for quite some time.

Around noon Adrianne put down the computer to put together lunch, leftovers from last night plus corn on the cob, more peaches, and another big salad, and watered the new tomato plant and mango tree on our front porch. The mango tree is a bit of an experiment, but whether or not it gives us any fruit, it is fun to have a tree on our porch! Adrianne has plans to get several more... We'll see.

At about 2:30pm, Nathan put down the computer to go for a workout. Adrianne would normally go with him, but thought it best that she continue to rest in order to speed up her recovery. Nathan went to the gym not only because it is good to workout, but because he wanted to take a shower since he really doesn't fit into our bathtub very well (if that were G-rated, we would post a picture, because it's quite hilarious, but alas, it is not G-rated)! After the workout he picked up a few groceries at the Super Spar next door to the gym (both are about .5km from our house as the crow flies, but about 1.5km because of the windy roads and gates/walls everywhere) for dinner.

Now it is closing in on 7pm and Adrianne is getting dinner ready. Tonight we'll be having roasted sausage with caramelized apples and onions (using apple butter rather than real butter). At the end of this stay in this particular apartment, we should really put together a recipe book of all the meals we've created using only a single electric frying pan. Given how healthy Adrianne prefers to cook, and we both prefer to eat, creativity is certainly essential (the bronco burgers and fries was a tribute to America, not a usual meal!).

So there is an overview of a day in the life of Adrianne and Nathan! Things will start to get a lot more interesting soon... :)

Swaziland

2011-11-12T11:25:00.001-08:00

This past week we went to Swaziland so Nathan could hold a few interviews for his PhD research (the reason we're in South Africa, so this is good news). The trip was very successful for Nathan -- he was able to do 4 interviews in 2 days! We tried to snap a few pictures of our trip -- here are a couple highlights!

The above picture is of the road we took in and out (an hour each way) of our friends' place where we stayed. If you haven't already heard, the car we purchased is, well, the kind that gets you from A to B and that is about it. So imagine a little (old) Toyota Corolla navigating dirt roads, sandy river beds (pictured above), and the like -- an adventure indeed. This picture doesn't due Swaziland justice though because they do have some incredibly nice paved roads throughout the country, we just happened to be staying away from those roads.

While Nathan had his interviews, I hung out at various places and spent several hours reading the mind-blowing book The Age of the Unthinkable by Joshua Cooper Ramo. The first day I read in a Chinese restaurant (if this seems odd to you, do a bit of research on the inundation of Chinese people in Africa; it should also be noted that I was craving dumplings). The second day I was dropped off at an amazing place called Swazi Candles -- a major tourist destination. The above picture is of two giraffe-shaped candles and below are hand-woven baskets.

Below is a picture from the place I sat and read whilst (a bit of South African vocab for you) at Swazi Candles. This was from my table at the restaurant overlooking several Swazi handicraft stands. This was a beautiful place to spend six hours!

The last night we were in Swaziland we went to dinner with our friends who so graciously hosted us. We managed to neglect getting a picture with them, which we feel horrible about! We went to this restaurant that is part of the golf course you see behind us -- it had the most amazing view! Swaziland is an absolutely beautiful country -- below is a bit more of the view:

Paris

2011-11-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

Given that it's Paris, a hugging picture felt necessary (Eiffel Tower behind us).

Flo took us through fun back ways to the popular tourist destinations (three cheers for touring the city with a local and for Flo's incredible hospitality in showing us around). In this picture, you can see a very large and very beautiful church in the background of the photo -- the church is quite famous, though we didn't manage to hold onto its French name. In the foreground is a sidewalk cafe, which are everywhere in Paris. These cafes/coffee shops were a highlight for us. This one doesn't have any patrons at the moment, but for the most part, the sidewalks were bustling with coffee and tea drinkers -- the streets were very alive!

A picture in front of the Lovre (maybe a fifth of the Lovre in its entirety; that place is huge).

Flo and Adrianne having fun, waiting for the sun to go down so we could see the Tower at night.

The Tower at dusk!

We loved the buildings in Paris -- everywhere you look is a canvas (or a famous Clementoni puzzle).

Thorntree

2011-10-27T08:55:00.000-07:00

There is a lot to be thankful in the Penner household. I am sure that Adrianne will post a more thorough update soon, but for now I will share some pictures of our new life in South Africa.

We are now living at the Guesthouse in Johannesburg.

This is our one bedroom apartment with a nice large living room and a little kitchenette. On the picture above it is on the far right upstairs. We have the balcony!

Here is the view from our balcony pointing back to where I took the first picture. You probably can not tell, but the tree on the left is a mulberry tree that is ripe at the moment. Delicious.

We are going to be making a conscious effort to be more regular with these posts, including pictures. Don't be afraid to give us a little encouragement in that direction! We still have plans on posting with some pictures from our brief stay in Paris as well.

Next Stop: Johannesburg

2011-09-19T16:24:00.000-07:00

We're starting to say our goodbyes as we transition out of southern California and to South Africa!

Here's a quick recap of what it took to get to this point:

Adrianne worked at World Vision International here in southern California this summer and greatly enjoyed learning from the many talented people there. Meanwhile, Adrianne spoke at several events including working exhausting (though absolutely exhilarating) 16-hour days as the keynote speaker at a week-long Mennonite youth camp (Lake Huntington, CA). Additionally, she was given an amazing opportunity to lead a chapel service at the World Vision International headquarters. Adrianne also studied for and passed the Project Management Professional certification exam.

Nathan continued to work on his PhD and successfully passed his Research Proposal Defense in early September. This is a significant step in the PhD process and he is now no longer considered a "PhD Student", but a "PhD Candidate". In addition to preparing for his defense, Nathan has been doing the work necessary to prepare us for our move to South Africa, which happens in three weeks. We should receive our South African visas next week.

We're heading to South Africa (via a few days in Paris to spend time with a good friend) on October 10 and we'll be in Johannesburg until further notice (though our return flight is in May, we do not actually know how long we'll be in South Africa). There are a number of plans that are beginning to take shape, but we'll let you know about those once they have been confirmed. As we all know, we have a very poor track record of making plans and seeing them come to fruition (e.g. our wedding!). The good news is, the actual results are always much better, so we'll wait until then to reveal.

We'll post some pictures from our summer in the next few days. In the midst of a wildly busy and hot summer, we managed to have an absolute blast these past few months.

Health update: September 18 marks the date of the final chains being lifted from Adrianne's post-brain surgery limitations. She is now able to drive and ride a bike again (after waiting 6 months after coming off of all of the anti-seizure medications)! We had a pretty serious scare with Adrianne's head this summer (a fluke head injury that resulted in a concussion, two black eyes, and 6 hours of her body in shock), but we were pleased to hear her neurosurgeon, while pointing to the computer screen revealing a clean MRI and CT Scan, say, "This is a blessing. I am not sure how you keep dodging these bullets, but you have dodged another one." We've recently referred to God in a mostly joking tone as Adrianne's bullet-proof vest, but in all seriousness, we're incredibly thankful for the remarkable recovery Adrianne has and continues to make. Praise God.

This blog will become our main form of communication once again in the next few weeks -- looking forward to sharing life on here once again.

N & A

March - April Update

2011-04-21T13:25:00.000-07:00

The last two months have been full of good, good memories.

Adrianne finished her Master's degree from Fuller Theological Seminary!

Within minutes of Adrianne handing in the last paper of her Intercultural Studies degree, she took her final anti-seizure pill. To celebrate, Nathan took her whale watching off the coast of Malibu!

Since that day, March 18, Adrianne has had more energy than she has had in years. The first two months without this anti-seizure drug are the most critical, as far as gaining an understanding of how her body will do without the medicine. One month down and things could not have gone smoother. She is running nearly every day, playing in the Ultimate Frisbee intra-mural league at Fuller, and even able to jump on a trampoline again (for those of you who know Adrianne well, you know this is a very exciting step)!

Since Adrianne has been finished with her Master's, she has been TAing three classes at Fuller (Christian Ethics, Complex Urban Environments, and Thinking Missiologically). When she isn't grading, she's looking for jobs in southern Africa.

Nathan successfully completed tutorial number 4 (of 6) for his PhD. The final product of this tutorial was a culmination of research done during our trip around southern Africa and library research after we returned to Pasadena. The paper he turned in for his PhD will also be given at the American Society of Missiologists conference in Chicago in June.

This quarter, Nathan is teaching an online class (Poverty and Development), TAing a class on campus (Development Tools and Practices), and taking a Research Methods course, all the while trying to prepare for his PhD midterm defense.

Our future plans are still completely ambiguous. We know we're moving to southern Africa at some point this year. Adrianne is searching for jobs in Cape Town, Pretoria, and Johannesburg, South Africa; Maputo, Mozambique; and Mbabane, Swaziland. If a job presents itself in the next couple of months, we'll go wherever the job takes us. If a job does not present itself, we'll go to Mbabane, Swaziland where Nathan will begin his research and Adrianne will look for a job once on the ground--this option will likely mean that we'll be leaving the country at the end of September 2011.

Thanks for the continued prayers and frequent messages! We'll do much better at blogging once we're back in Africa, but thanks for letting us know you still want updates :)

Blessings!

February!

2011-02-20T16:35:00.000-08:00

Hi Again,

Sorry for the long delay. Nathan and I have been absolutely immersed in our school work, which I say with great pleasure, we love what we are doing. Nathan has been working hard on an online class he is facilitating this quarter called Globalization and the Poor while working on a paper that will contribute to his PhD dissertation as well as be presented at a conference in Chicago in June. I have been working hard to finish strong during my last quarter of my masters (4 weeks to go)!

A quick medical update: First, we saw our neurosurgeon, whom we adore, in January after having an MRI in December. The results were great! There is still a bit of swelling, to be expected, but progress continues and, for that, we are very grateful. Second, we saw the neurologist that we had seen once before. We have to go through the neurologist for all things regarding prescriptions from this point forward. She was hesitant to let me off of the anti-seizure medicines, even though that had been the plan from the beginning, but after a long and difficult conversation with her, Nathan and I agreed it was best to get off of the anti-seizure medicines as quickly as possible. It is an 8-week process to wean off the medication and, at the moment, we're into the 5th week and things are going very smooth. People who see me only periodically (not often enough to be immune to noticing change) have mentioned several times that my energy level has increased, a statement with which I agree. Yes! Third, I saw the ophthalmologist this week and had another field test done on my vision. Compared to the last exam I had (6 days post-operation) there was dramatic improvement. The doctor showed me the results of the exam after surgery, which revealed a large blind spot in the left field of my vision (explains why I could not read for the month following surgery). The recent exam, however, was near perfect. My vision has been almost completely restored!

Future: The big question. At the moment, Nathan and I are dangling between two different scenarios. The first scenario leaves us in Pasadena, where I will work on a writing project with a professor and TA two classes. Nathan will continue progressing on his PhD. The second scenario takes us to Johannesburg, South Africa, where I would be working full-time and Nathan will continue progressing on his PhD there.

We are waiting to hear what happens with the job possibility in Johannesburg, but in the meantime we're planning on staying in Pasadena until mid-June. From there, we will likely make a trek to Iowa so both Nathan and I can pursue our Project Management and Risk Management certifications--studying under the best Project Management Professional Instructor we know (hi dad)! Then we would leave for Swaziland around September or October.

At the moment, we're praying intensely for this job to work out in South Africa. It is an ideal job for me--I would have a hard time writing a more perfect job description--and it would answer a lot of our questions regarding finances, health insurance, what I'm going to do while Nathan finishes his research, etc., but it is also a bit of a stretch, because I am not entirely qualified for the position. So we will wait and see--realizing that there have been many things that appear ideal in our lives, but are not always what they seem, so we're praying that God's will be done.

Our time in southern California appears to quickly be coming to a close, so if you're in the area, let's get together!

Back in Pasadena!

2011-01-05T11:05:00.000-08:00

Nathan told me this morning that I have not stopped smiling since we arrived in Pasadena Tuesday morning. It is great to be back. Classes have started for me and Nathan is working on his PhD and co-teaching an online class this quarter, so we're both plenty busy.

The trip through southern Africa was a success in many unexpected ways and we look forward to sharing that with you once we feel like we've wrapped our heads around it and after we've communicated with the people in southern African whom we hope to work with in the future.

I had an MRI on December 30 and will hear the results on January 10, we will update the blog with the results after we hear them on Monday. Additionally, I will see my neurologist next week and begin the slow process of weaning off the high doses of anti-seizure medications I have been taking for over a year now. We're gearing up for the hardships this process might entail, but praying for an easy transition, especially since I am a full-time student again!

We have fully recovered from our bout of malaria and deeply enjoyed our time with friends and family over the holidays in Iowa and California. Now that we're back at Fuller full-time, this blog will suffer for a while, but we will update it periodically when decisions are made that will impact our future locations and roles. Once we land in Africa (around October of this year) for a while, the blog will resume as our main form of communication.

Thanks for journeying with us. What a joy it is to live in community.

n & a

One Year Ago: December 10, 2009

2010-12-10T13:55:00.000-08:00

December 10, 2009: Brain surgery.

Nathan and I woke up to the 4:45am alarm. We sat up quickly, almost as if we had never been asleep. We pulled the quilt back over the bed and I dropped to my knees on the floor and placed my elbows on the bed. I folded my hands and tucked my fingers between my nose and forehead. Nathan did the same. I do not remember the exact words of my prayer, but it was something like, "God, I surrender this day to you. I surrender my husband, my sight, and my life to you. Be glorified today, however that may look. Amen."

I showered quickly so I could wash my hair with an antibacterial shampoo that was prescribed by the surgeon. We grabbed the backpack we had packed the night before and we walked to the car. Wedged between the outside of the passenger-side window and the door was a card that read, "Penners." I opened it. It was from Michael and Denise. They were praying.

We arrived at the hospital where Nathan's parents and my parents were already waiting. None of them slept much the night before. I checked in. I sat on the floor of the waiting room with my legs propped up on the chair and showed off the rolling pin I thought I was clever enough to pack--I think I was more worried about getting a blood clot than I was about my brain. I was not really scared, to be honest with you, and by now you should trust me to tell you the moments I was terrified--that morning was not one of those moments. That morning came with great peace. Everyone around me seemed afraid, but that morning going in for brain surgery felt like any other thing that may have been on my to-do list that day, this just came first.

A nurse called my name. The hospital did not know my married name yet, so when they called for Adrianne Towe all of us snickered, because that was not my name any longer. No one could accompany me yet. I went back to the pre-operation room by myself. I changed into a hospital gown and pulled up the anti-embolism socks they gave me. They started an IV in my right arm and covered me with three blankets to keep me warm.

While I was laying in the hospital bed, I could hear the man next to me who was also about to face the operating table. I am not sure what the nature of his surgery was, nonetheless, it was surgery. The nurse said, "Sir, you did not fill in the emergency numbers section on your hospital forms. Can you please provide a personal contact in case of an emergency?"

The man replied by insisting that he had no numbers he could write down. "Not a sibling, a parent, a friend, a co-worker, a neighbor...?" asked the nurse. "No." said the man, "I don't have anybody."

My eyes welled up with tears. I wanted to yell through the curtains and tell him that he could write down Nathan's number or my parents', or one of the hundreds and possibly thousands of people who were praying for me that day. I wanted to tell him about the churches that Nathan and I are involved in and how I was certain that someone would be happy to be his emergency contact. But I could not bring myself to breech the privacy those curtains were intended to provide. I did not think the offer of a phone number would really achieve anything tangible, but I desperately wanted him to know that I was there and that I would pray for him A few moments later, that man was wheeled toward the operating room. I saw him briefly through the small opening in my curtain. I never saw him again, at least not to my knowledge.

Nathan arrived in my room. We watched Sportscenter and Home Improvement. The text messages inundated both of our cell phones. The texts were filled with Bible verses of hope, faith, and peace and people's promises of prayers. Nathan and I talked about our wedding, our churches, our community.

There was an older man behind the curtain across from me. He had a deep voice that carried through the hallway. The nurses were ready to take him into surgery but he kept asking questions about his blood pressure. He was concerned that his blood pressure would cause trouble during the surgery. He demanded the nurses to check his blood pressure. "Again," he said, "Check it again." He was afraid. This made me wonder if I should be afraid. He was wheeled away.

I talked to my mom. My dad. Nathan's mom. Then the anesthesiologist came in with the nurse anesthetist and a nurse anesthetist-in-training. I can picture them talking. They were wearing blue scrubs. They had little blue scrub hats on and the pieces that cover their mouths tied around their necks. Two of them were wearing glasses. What they said? I have no idea.

My curtain was pushed open. Six people surrounded me and started wheeling me away. They asked who the man was next to me, "My husband!" I replied with a big smile. "How long have you been married?" they asked. "5 days," we said. As they were pushing me down the hall I saw the needle enter the IV -- my thoughts started getting blurry. They told Nathan to give me a kiss. "It will be the last thing she remembers," the anesthesiologist said. He kissed me. That is the last thing I remember.

Nathan got a phone call two hours into the five hour operation. One of the nurses wanted to know the name of the person who donated blood for a blood transfusion. "BJ Towe," Nathan said. He started running down the hallway back to the operating wing, thinking something had gone horribly wrong with the surgery. We were told that a blood transfusion would happen only if they could not control the bleeding. The nurse told Nathan that the surgery was going well, they just wanted to confirm they had the right blood. Nathan stopped in the hallway. He began to shake--his fear dimmed. Kenny caught up with him and stood by his side. Deep breaths.

I woke up in a room filled with other patients who had just come out of surgery. The nurse that sat by my side was named Laura Jobe. I read her hospital badge and I thought, "Jobe. That feels appropriate." This thought made me smile and I remembered the story of Job in the Bible. This passage came to mind:

“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.

Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
   Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set,
   or who laid its cornerstone—
while the morning stars sang together
   and all the angels shouted for joy?   (Job 38:4-7)

It was God who laid the earth's foundation and it is this same God who sat with me then. It was only after this thought that it dawned on me that I could see. I could not see well. Most things were blurry, which is why I find it fascinating that I could read Laura Jobe's hospital badge. After this moment, it would not be for another month that I would be able to read.

Nathan sat down beside me. "It's good news," he said, "A miracle even."

This was the first day of healing.

One Year Ago: December 9, 2009

2010-12-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

December 9, 2009. Nathan and I arrived back into Pasadena after four days in a Malibu beach-front home offered to us by....you guessed it, a complete stranger. What a gift it was to be able to escape for a few days. While it was a bit of a break, the time was not easily passed. One of the days between our wedding and December 9 was spent in the hospital for the pre-operation appointments. We had nine appointments with various doctors and administrators confirming my ability to undergo surgery and I filled out paperwork. I never would have guessed that, on my honeymoon, I would sign a piece of paper that promises a hospital I will not sue if I die during brain surgery (I signed this almost exactly 40 hours after Nathan and I linked our lives together through our wedding vows).

The few days in Malibu were a blessing. However, December 9, the afternoon we had to pack up and return to Pasadena was a much dreaded afternoon. We knew that when we packed our bags in Malibu, there was nothing left that stood between us--newlyweds--and brain surgery.

When we arrived into our apartment, which we had left with piles of unpacked boxes and white walls, we were once again be overwhelmed with hope and peace. This time, brought to us from the girls who flew out from the Midwest for our wedding.

Meet the girls:

Lauren. Katy. Liz. Laura. (Me.) Anna. Sarah. Katie. Kelsey.

(Photo: Ryan Towe Photography -- thanks Brother!)

Read their story (told by Kelsey Keizer and Laura Bade):

It all happened so fast – receiving a phone call from Adrianne of something “abnormal” to boarding a plane for Pasadena the next week.

The news of an early wedding and the brain surgery to follow spread quickly among our crew through texts and phone calls, and the prayers began. Less than a few hours had passed and we all had plane tickets. There was no doubt in our minds that we were going to be there for our friend, for our sister.

We headed to the airport overflowing with emotion: scared for the unknown, excited for the celebration of the wedding, happy to be reunited with one another, and somehow hope-filled for what was about to happen. Though we were frightened of the unknown – we held on to the promise of God’s faithfulness and we had a joy that, to many, may have seemed inappropriate for the circumstances.

We were welcomed into the Allelous and Fuller community where our loud and crazy excitement was embraced and complimented from the moment we pulled into the driveway. When we walked into Adrianne & Nathan’s new apartment we were surrounded by recently-moved boxes of their things and a large pile of air mattresses. It was a small space for the 7 of us to take over for the weekend, and that’s exactly what we did. When we asked Nathan if there was anything we could do, he had hoped we might be willing to start to paint the walls of their new place while we were there. But we had a better plan.

As soon as the wedding day came to an end we went back to NAdrianne’s (as they are commonly referred) place and formulated a plan. Powered by love, plenty of laughter and very little sleep, we got to work. We shuffled boxes, cleaned, painted, shuffled more boxes, and painted again, only taking occasional breaks for Sunday's breakfast and lunch to devour the incredible cookies leftover from the wedding reception (thank you Geddert). During the afternoon, the song “How He Loves” became our theme as we screamed it from the top of our lungs to re-energize before starting back to work.

(Lyrics) He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. When all of the sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me. Oh, how He loves us…

We didn’t know much about what was about to happen in the lives of Adrianne and Nathan, but we did know one thing: their first night together in their new home would be the night before Adrianne underwent brain surgery. We couldn’t just leave with a little paint on the walls and stacks of boxes in the corner. We needed to make this a home. Although Sunday's sun was starting to set and we hadn’t showered or eaten anything but chocolate chip cookies all day, we were determined to do a little more. Before we knew it, we were unpacking boxes, hanging clothes in the closet, baking meals to stock the freezer, organizing wedding gifts, and putting books on the bookshelves. Man do they have a lot of books!

(This final photo reveals the finished project. Completed in 24 hours.)

As we unpacked, we started a list of things we did not find in NAdrianne's boxes. A rug for the front door, toilet paper, a shower head extender for Nathan, etc. We started the list with the idea that we would get just a few groceries and some throw pillows for the couch, but came back with a van full of groceries, necessities, and little things like picture frames and shower head extenders to make this space a home.

What we didn’t know then was that this apartment was about to undergo the inspection of an occupational therapist. Before Adrianne was released from the hospital, it was required that her home accommodate the special needs Adrianne would have post-brain surgery. An occupational therapist to-be walked through their apartment, and except for the door mat, the apartment passed every test right down to the special detail of a detachable showerhead. On our Target-run, we argued about which shower-head to get for their apartment, with Nathan's height in mind. We did not know that a detachable shower-head would be on the list of must-haves for Adrianne's return home. God was in the details. Every detail. Even the shower-head.

The next morning we boarded the plane back to Iowa absolutely EXHAUSTED. Completely drained, yet completely full. We all felt more alive than we had in a long time. Being surrounded by the body of Christ is a beautiful thing, whether laughing together, crying together, or serving together. We were a group of girls clinging to God's call to love Him and love one another. God gave us the hands to serve, feet to get dirty, and a heart ready to love and be loved. What happened that weekend was not about helping a dear friend on the weekend of her wedding, but about glorifying our Savior together by serving one another.

(Lyrics) And we are his portion and he is our prize drawn to redemption by the grace in his eye, if his grace is an ocean we’re all sinking. And heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way.…

It was not about the wedding, the tumor, the hurt, or the healing. It was about our God who loves us so much that he makes His presence tangible, life-giving, and life-altering. It’s about the hope He brought to all of us in a time of uncertainty.

Video: The girls caught on tape singing their theme song during their Sunday afternoon break.

Thanks, Sisters, for your love.

One Year Ago: And Three Days Ago

2010-12-08T13:10:00.000-08:00

December 5, 2009: Wedding Reception.

As I mentioned in the last post, there are dozens of stories that could be told about this day and how it all came together. Most of the stories, however, I cannot tell simply because I do not know how they happened. That being said, we would love to know how the wedding happened--the before, during, and after! We are still receiving messages from people who were involved tangibly or praying for our wedding day and the stories we hear are a lot of fun. They're fun mostly because they have absolutely nothing to do with us, which is also the reason we're so eager to tell these stories. All of this unfolded around us, but it was never about us. So, if you have a story of the wedding (who, what, where, when, why, and/or how), we want to hear it. Not only do we want to hear these stories, but we have been asked to compile these stories and memories, but most of which we cannot tell accurately because we only know what we experienced, so if you would like to tell your story about the wedding, we would be thrilled. We made the blog easier to comment on--we did not realize it was so difficult, but this has been fixed. Or you can send us stories and memories via e-mail or Facebook. It can be absolutely anything (including pictures).

In the meantime, here is one of our favorite moments from the wedding reception:

Nathan and I were dismissed for dinner. We walked passed the few tables that sat between us and the door to the outdoor courtyard where the food awaited us. We stepped outside and we stopped. My mouth literally hung open. I looked up at Nathan; his mouth was gaping too. In front of us stood two long rows of tables. On each set of tables (which were covered by white tablecloths we later found out were donated to the wedding by Dolphin Rentals in Pasadena, CA) sat dish after dish after dish of food. It looked as if everyone had prepared their favorite meal and placed it in their most beautiful dish. It looked absolutely amazing. In hindsight, I am not entirely sure how I was expecting the potluck meal to look like, but I know I was not expecting it to look like this.

Nathan and I started to walk toward the tables and as we did, a bunch of women dressed in all black with serving utensils in their hands came walking to the tables. They looked like professionals. One of the women started scooping a broccoli casserole onto my plate. I looked up at her as I imagine the man at the pool of Bethesda looked at Jesus after Jesus had healed him, although with slightly less intensity, but just slightly. I could not believe my eyes. I had no idea who she was. I moved to the next dish: Potatoes. Another woman scooped up potatoes and placed them on my plate. I expressed my gratitude to her as I looked up at her. I had no idea who she was. I turned to Nathan and whispered, "Do you know who these women are?" "No." he said, "Do you?" "No!" Another woman placed a piece of chicken on my plate. I looked around at all of the women dressed in black who were serving person after person as we filtered through the line. I did not recognize a single face.

I walked back into the reception staring at my plate. Who were those women? Where did all of this food come from? Table after table was dismissed to enter the line. I watched closely. The women were still there. Still serving. Other women all dressed in black were exchanging empty dishes for new ones from a room off of the courtyard. There was so much food and it all looked amazing, but this story is so much bigger than the food. Behind every dish was someone who gave their time and resources so that the people at our wedding could share a meal together. I was in awe as I watched these women serve person after person out of dish after dish at a wedding for two people whom they did not know, at least not on a personal level. This image epitomized the evening for me: People serving people.

Additionally, the food that was leftover was given to a local informal ministry Nathan and I have worked with since the beginning of our relationship. We were thrilled when we found out where the leftovers landed.

Let this be a story of hope--the Church is alive and well.

One Year Ago: Wedding Day

2010-12-05T14:14:00.000-08:00

December 5, 2009: Wedding Day.

This is an impossible story to tell. December 5, 2009 was the result of hundreds of people’s time, resources, gifts, talents, prayers, generosity, and love. It was the result of corporate generosity (Fuller Theological Seminary, Dolphin Rentals, etc.). It was the result of several churches (Pasadena Mennonite Church, First Baptist of Pasadena, Shafter Mennonite Brethren, Meredith Drive Reformed Church, etc.). It was the result of the student body, staff, and faculty at Fuller Theological Seminary who sacrificed so much of themselves (the week before finals!). It was the result of people I might never meet, like Lisa’s mom’s Bible study in Washington D.C.—whom I have yet to thank. It was the result of the 10,000 people who had viewed our blog over the week and lifted up prayers on our behalf. There are dozens of stories that I could tell that would leave you with tear-stained cheeks and a renewed sense of hope in people and the Church. But there is only one story that should be told about our December 5, 2009.

Disclaimer: Nathan and I did nothing to deserve this day. This was an expression of God’s provision, goodness, and faithfulness through the faith community. This day epitomizes what loving one another looks like and Nathan and I received this gift not as an acknowledgement of who we are, but in acknowledgement of who God is. Let that be the story you hear.

My morning started around 7am. Flo drove me to the Allelous community first thing because that is where all of my friends had stayed the night. I was led into an apartment other than my own where I was greeted by the seven girls who flew in the night before, a few of my friends from Fuller, and Kate and Christine. Kate and Christine had been up since the crack of dawn, preparing fruit salad, piles of pancakes, juices, and several other menu items for me and a bunch of strangers. We all enjoyed an incredible breakfast together. I ate some of the fruit salad and drank some juice. It all stayed down.

We gathered around the guitar and the djembe. We worshipped. For over an hour we sang songs, we prayed, and I explained the meaning behind each of the Scripture passages that were to be read in our wedding. Lamentations 3:19-26. Isaiah 43:1-2, 10-12. Acts 4:32-35. Psalm 91. We sang the song, “We are Hungry” over and over and over. Sarah started making up her own lyrics and while the rest of us sang the line, “We are hungry for more of you,” I heard Sarah’s voice pray, “God bless this wedding day.” As I heard her pray this prayer, the reality of this day began to sink in: I, too, was attending a wedding that day—and I was not the bride.

Flo said it was time to go. Go where? The girls had arranged for a manicure and pedicure for me and my bridesmaids. Those girls thought of everything. The woman who was giving me a pedicure asked what the occasion was. I told her I was getting married at 5:30pm. She said I seemed unusually calm for it being my wedding day. She started asking me about the wedding. I could not answer any of her questions. She gave me a look as though I was being strangely evasive. So I told her in one sentence that I had been diagnosed with a brain tumor two weeks ago so my community had planned my wedding for me and I did not know anything about it. She did not ask me any other questions.

We went back to Allelous. I was led into a different apartment where Jill, Erica, Joy, Jess, Lisa, Christie, and others had spent their morning preparing an amazing gourmet lunch for 16 people. I filled my plate with food because it looked incredible. I ate the entire plate. It stayed down. My mom, my sister-in-law, and over a dozen of my friends sat in the apartment and ate lunch together. Flo gave me a present. It was a Christmas ornament—a glass globe. She told me that it would forever serve as a reminder of the people around the world who had been praying for that very day. Humbling.

I saw Nathan out the window. I was not supposed to look, but it felt rebellious, so I did. He was laughing with his friends and his family had just arrived. This gave me great joy.

It was time to go. Tiffany had arrived. Tiffany did my hair. Then Jeana came and did my makeup. Time to get dressed. The earrings were from Jill—they were the earrings her bridesmaids wore in her wedding. The shoes—they were on the clearance rack at the PacSun outlet earlier that year, they were starting to fall apart, but I knew they would make it through the wedding. The dress, well, you’ve heard the story.

I got into a car with Flo, Lisa, Laura, and Kelsey. We drove to the picture location. Nathan had his back turned to me and when I got close enough he was turned around so we could see each other for the first time on our wedding day. “It’s good to see you,” Nathan said as he hugged me. “I saw you earlier,” I replied, “I watched you from the window.” Nathan laughed and shook his head as we held back the tears while we hugged.

I saw the flowers. They were beautiful. Brenda, Charity, and friends—you are amazing. We took pictures. We jumped. We hugged. We laughed. We kissed. We had fun.

It was nearly time for the ceremony. We walked to the church. First Baptist Church of Pasadena heard our story and they gave us a place to get married on a few days notice—free of charge. I went to the bride’s room with my girls. We primped. We laughed. We danced. We huddled up. Sarah prayed. “God be glorified.” We ended the prayer with all of our hands in the middle of the circle and we shouted “WEDDING” really loud as we broke our huddle.

Dr. Erin Dufault-Hunter gave an introduction to our wedding. Someone told us weeks later that if the evening had been over after Erin’s introduction, they would have been satisfied. This is what she said:

“There are at least two things I have decided to do that, it turns out, I had no idea what I was saying when I said I would do them: One was to follow Jesus, the other was to get married.

All of us make commitments, make promises to care and love other people – to join our lives with others’ – and yet we have no real idea what we are doing. When we gather for weddings, such uncertainties are often in the background, and the focus is on the couple and their love for one another, our shared hopes for their future. Sometimes we can indulge the illusion that it is our human love in the form of romance that sustains us and makes such promises possible.

This wedding is different. Adrianne and Nathan do not have luxury of pretending that they know what they are doing today, because they are acutely aware that they are not in control of their future. When they got the news less than two weeks ago that Adrianne has a brain tumor, they decided to move the wedding from January 2 in Iowa to today in Pasadena. They already knew they wanted to link their lives together, so it seemed only natural to go through this season as husband and wife. It enabled Nathan to be there by Adrianne’s side day and night after the surgery; they could be married while Adrianne feels relatively well. But they do not know what the diagnosis will be or the nature of Adrianne’s recovery – huge unknowns that are clearly on the minds of all of us tonight.

Unlike many other weddings, we do not have the luxury of the illusion that we sustain our lives by our own power or force of our love. We come here today well aware that Adrianne and Nathan have no idea what they are promising when they link their lives in their vows. And we have no idea what we are doing, when we promise by our presence here at this Christian wedding to sustain, support, and protect this marriage as their community.

But Christian marriage is not about what we know, nor about what we are able to do to keep our promises, nor about our ability to sustain ourselves or control our futures. Rather, Christian marriage is about the One who invites us to make such promises. It is a celebration of the God who by His faithfulness makes such crazy commitments possible – and, most importantly, infuses them with the deepest joy in the keeping of them.

Nathan and Adrianne welcome you to this worship service in which they will commit themselves to one another and to Christ, in which they entrust their future together into God’s good hands. They are thankful for ways you have already literally been the hands of God, making this wedding possible. In doing so, you have encouraged them to enter into the unknown with a tangible sense of Christ’s presence. And they welcome you into their future, not because they are sure what it entails, but because they trust in the One who transforms foolish promises to love – come what may – into the wisdom that nourishes an abundant life. So let us worship together the Father who holds our future, the Son who redeems our fears and uncertainties, and the Spirit who sustains us in our daily desire to love and be loved.” (Dr. Erin Dufault-Hunter; December 5, 2009.)

Kenny picked up his guitar. Mikey on the djembe. Amber on the piano. David on the mandolin. Jess on the other guitar and vocals. Matt ran the sound. The chapel, which brimmed with 250 people, worshipped.

My dad and I walked outside, it was nearly our turn to proceed down the aisle. I was horribly cold. I started shaking, but I am not sure I can completely blame the weather. I was experiencing a kaleidoscope of emotions and my body needed an outlet.

The doors were closed in front of us. I did not know the lady who was controlling the procession down the aisle. Turns out, she is a wedding coordinator and she volunteered her time this evening. She had a really nice smile. She asked if we were ready, my shaky voice responded with a yes. The doors opened. I stopped shaking.

I began to walk, most ungracefully, down the aisle. This is the moment that the reality of the day finally sank in. There were two brides inside this chapel and I paled in comparison to the other. The lyrics that played as I walked down the aisle tell the story,

“When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful.”

The Church.—the Bride of Christ. The wedding bells these lyrics refer to are the wedding bells that will ring when Christ is reunited with his bride—the Church. Christ’s bride will come together and we’ll sing of God’s beauty and glory. I looked across the chapel at the faces. This was about the Church. This was about a people who are in love with a God who loves us in return. This was about the people who laid down their lives for Nathan and me over the past week. We, the Bride of Christ, were all standing in the presence of the true Bridegroom and we absolutely came alive.

My dad and I reached the top of the aisle. I looked up at him. Through a broken voice he said, “God is here.” I replied, “Yeah, Dad, God is definitely here.” We smiled. He handed me off to Nathan. Life is found in the letting go.

“…So let us worship together the Father who holds our future, the Son who redeems our fears and uncertainties, and the Spirit who sustains us in our daily desire to love and be loved.”

One Year Ago: December 4, 2009

2010-12-04T03:18:00.000-08:00

Nathan and I spent the whole week before the wedding organizing our lives. We already had a marriage certificate, but that was for the state of Iowa for the wedding we were originally planning. We needed a marriage certificate for the state of California. We looked online at the wait times in all of the Los Angeles area county offices to see where the shortest line was—a habit you learn before you go anywhere in Los Angeles. Shortest wait time: Beverly Hills.

We had to figure out the lease issues with Nathan’s old apartment and our soon-to-be apartment. Fortunately, the apartment we were moving into was already ready for us and breaking Nathan’s lease was much easier than we anticipated. Thank you Fuller Housing.

We also wanted to get paint for our apartment: Asparagus for the bedroom; Celery Ice for the bathroom; Brick Red for the living room; Cliff Rock for the accent walls. We did not need to get paint for our apartment, but this is just one example of the many things we found to do during this week in order to keep our minds off of brain surgery and on the more joyous event approaching: marriage.

December 4 was the Friday before our wedding day. I found this day to be particularly hard. Everyone around me was excited, including Nathan, but I found it very difficult to join in. I still do not completely understand why December 4 was so dreary for me. I remember feeling lonely, which, if you have paid much attention to this story at all, you will know that we were absolutely inundated with deep and genuine love from our entire community and many beyond our community and loneliness was a lie—it was selfish, really. I remember feeling guilty. I was watching people run around. Our entire Allelous community moved all of our stuff into our new apartment, Laine gathered people to go to his church to pick up all of the dishes that would be used at our wedding reception, Andrew was making hundreds of cookies for our wedding cookie cake, Kenny was working on getting the sound equipment ready for the ceremony, Brianna and Denise were gathering air mattresses and bedding for all of my friends who were flying in that night from the Midwest, and Erica, Jess, Lisa, Floriane, and Joy were finalizing details for the weekend. All of this and much, much more happened while I sat on the couch. I desperately wanted to be on the other side of all of this. I wanted to run to get plates, help with sound, find bedding, bake cookies…anything except sit on the couch and watch it all happen around me.

Nathan and I realized at about 4pm that we had not written our vows yet. We sat down to write them. The phone rang. It was Dr. Jehu Hanciles, a favorite Fuller professor of Nathan and mine. He wanted to hear how we were doing and how I was feeling. He said he didn’t figure we would get much of a chance to talk at the wedding, but he wanted us to know that he was praying for us and he would be cheering us on at our wedding and through the week to come. Amazing. This touched Nathan and me deeply. Dr. Hanciles engaged in his typical banter back and forth with Nathan on the phone, which made Nathan laugh a lot. This was a phone call from a man Nathan and I greatly admire, a man who we know to be an incredibly Godly man, a man whose life and mind have imparted incredible wisdom on the both of us, or so we hope. This phone call reassured us once again that we were being carried and all we had to do was keep putting one foot in front of the other. Thanks for that.

I went to dinner with my parents. I did not eat much. The food was not that great, but it had been well over a week since I had eaten a meal, so I cannot imagine anything would have grabbed my attention. I am not sure why I was not eating. I think it was stress. I was not on any medications at this point, so I cannot blame it on foreign chemicals. Nathan went to eat with a few guys to one of his favorite Mexican restaurants in town. They talked about sports.

Joy, Jess, and Floriane came over to where I was staying for a little bit. They wanted to hear how I was doing. I told them I was scared. I told them how hard that day had been for me. They listened. They prayed. Thanks for that.

It was nearly 10 o’clock pm. Time to go to the airport. My brother, sister-in-law, and seven of my best friends from Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, Kansas, and Nebraska were on an airplane that was about to land in Los Angeles for our wedding. Within 24 hours of hearing that our wedding date had been moved up, they all had plane tickets. Another incredible glimpse of affirmation that Nathan and I were not alone and that we were walking in the right direction.

We waited at the airport. Ryan. Liz. Laura. Kelsey. Katie. Sarah. Katy. Lauren. Anna. They were all there; one by one they got off the plane. I was not sure what sort of greeting to expect. It could have been a somber greeting. But as they got off the plane they brought with them intense amounts of joy and excitement. Thanks for that.

We drove into the Allelous parking lot and we were greeted by about 15 people from our Allelous community and beyond. They had tambourines, drums, and their dancing shoes on. They circled around all of us and danced to the beat of the drum. Others from the Allelous community heard the noise and came outside. Our community was with us. The celebration began. I absolutely loved it. I danced. Energy? Where did this come from?

It was nearly midnight. Floriane and Lisa sat with all of the girls who had just arrived and briefed them on the weekend. This was the first time I had heard any of the plans—they sounded amazing. Flo sounded like a professional event coordinator. She was incredible. Thanks for that.

The girls were hungry. They ordered a pizza. While we waited we sat, talked, giggled, and shared stories. One of the girls later told me that she was shocked at how weak I looked. She said I looked frail, like I was about to break. The pizza arrived. It looked good. I asked if I could have a piece. I ate. I liked it. It stayed down.

I went back to the Lingenfelters. I spread a sheet over the futon where I was going to sleep. It was 2am. I needed to be awake at 7am for my wedding day. For the brief moment before I fell asleep, I wondered what my wedding would be like. I wondered if anyone would come. I had absolutely no idea.

One Year Ago: November 30, 2009

2010-11-30T11:46:00.001-08:00

November 30, 2009: Monday. The last night of my Old Testament class for the quarter. I went to the class that night for two reasons: First, I can never get enough of Dr. John Goldingay's lectures. Second, I needed to get Dr. Goldingay's signature on a piece of paper that said I was taking an incomplete in his course so I could have brain surgery. There was a section on that form that asked for an explanation as to why I felt I needed an extension on the course. I remember trying to think of a clever way to state my situation, as though I really had to explain myself, but instead, I just wrote, "I'm having brain surgery on December 10." Boring, I realize.

I went up to Dr. Goldingay at the beginning of class and told him I was the girl who had e-mailed him about an extension, "I'm the girl with the brain tumor." His shoulders dropped a bit when I told him this, but then after a moment his eyes got real bright and he smiled real big and asked, "Did you decide to go through with the wedding?" I had forgotten I mentioned a possible early wedding in my e-mails to my professors. I told him we were getting married on Saturday. He signed my paper.

This was my second quarter with Dr. Goldingay. My very first night of class with him was two weeks after the death of his wife. Nearly every class I sat in with Dr. Goldingay, he talked about his relationship with Ann. Dr. Goldingay married her after hearing of her diagnosis with multiple sclerosis. He would tell us stories about their lives together. He told the class about how over the last nine years, while Ann was confined to a wheelchair, Dr. Goldingay would take her everywhere--concerts, the park, class, Bible studies, etc. Dr. Goldingay is an invigorating man to be around--especially when he talks about Ann. I never met Ann, my loss, I realize. But to hear Dr. Goldingay talk about her is amazing. He loved her deeply.

One time he told a story about how he would push Ann in her wheelchair up a particular hill on a route they frequently walked. He would pretend that he was struggling up the hill and say to Ann, with a stressed voice, "We're not going to make it!" Moments such as these brought the two of them great joy I am sure, whether or not Ann could express her joy. I told Nathan this story after I heard it in August of 2009. When Nathan and I, on Thanksgiving Day, talked about the possible consequences of brain surgery, I mentioned that I could be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life. I asked, "What then? I cannot hold you back like that." Nathan responded by saying, "I'll push you up the hill and pretend I'm not going to make it until I get you to laugh!" Dr. Goldingay's story of profound love and dedication to his wife and to God was an inspiration to both Nathan and me. We long to know how to love that deeply.

So that night, as he was signing my paper and smiling knowing that Nathan and I were to be married in five days, gave me the strength to trust the same God that Dr. Goldingay and his wife Ann had trusted when they chose to get married despite her diagnosis. Dr. Goldingay seems to have lived a full life and seems to exude deep joy. His life was not without pain, long suffering, and desperation for miracles that likely seemed as though they went unanswered, but Dr. Goldingay was the man who taught me that God is faithful in those moments. Watching Dr. Goldingay smile that night, I knew that Nathan would be okay.

Near the end of class, Dr. Goldingay asked me to tell the class what Nathan and I were facing. I still had not really heard myself say "Brain tumor" aloud enough to be comfortable with it in front of seventy people I did not know. My voice shook horribly as I told the class the diagnosis. My voice trembled as I told them about Nathan and my fast-approaching wedding. I didn't cry. I wish I had. My shakiness in my voice would have been vindicated had I cried, but instead, I just sounded nervous and scared. At one point, Dr. Goldingay put his hand on my shoulder and told me to take a deep breath. I took a deep breath. My voice still shook.

The last class in the quarter always ends in prayer in Goldingay's classes. Typically, the class prays for wisdom in ministry, new eyes to understand Scripture, future jobs, for all of the students and for the ways God is working in all of the lives present in the room. This night, however, the prayers were for Nathan and myself or giving thanks to God for his good and faithful character. People I had never met, but who had just sat and listened to me tremble through my story, prayed for Nathan, for me, for the surgery, and for the wedding. I was once again humbled at our community's ability to give themselves, their time, and their prayers on behalf of Nathan and myself. I never felt as though we deserved this, but I knew I would be eternally grateful. Dr. Goldingay closed the prayer by leading the class through the song, "Great is Thy Faithfulness."

The smile. The hand on my shoulder. Great is Thy Faithfulness. All from a man who once stood at the altar and said yes to a woman who would one day fall ill. All from a man who understands the anguish of long suffering, prayers that seem to go unanswered, and losing a wife to a neurological disorder. Yet he was able to rejoice at the thought of Nathan and me making the same decision he did, despite (or in light of?) the way his story ended. He was able to assure me that all would be well. He was able to sing of God's faithfulness. This was wisdom I could not ignore.

One Year Ago: November 29, 2009

2010-11-29T12:14:00.000-08:00

November 29, 2009: Sunday. This is my favorite story to tell.

The microphone was being passed around at the end of the Sunday morning service at Pasadena Mennonite Church--my favorite part of the service. I do not remember anything about the service that day, except for eagerly anticipating and seriously dreading the moment the microphone got to Nathan and me. Nathan turned to me when the microphone started its way around the congregation. He asked me if I wanted to make the announcement. I told him I did not have the emotional strength to hear myself over PMC's speakers say the words, "Brain tumor." Nathan agreed to make the announcement.

The microphone first went to a good friend of ours, Ben. Ben stood up, put his hand on his wife's shoulder, and announced to the church that they were expecting their first child. Good news! The church cheered loudly! High-fives, hugs, applause. The church was filled with joy. The microphone then went to another good friend of ours, Joel. Joel stood up, put his hand on his wife's shoulder, and announced to the church that they were also expecting their first child. Good news! The church cheered even louder, piggy-backing off the first bit of good news. Hugs! High-fives! Applause! Cheers! The church was alive this morning.

I was smiling ear-to-ear with our friends, sharing in their joy, until I realized that Nathan and I would suck the life out of this church as soon as the microphone was passed to us. I did not want to bring our community out of this joy. I nearly turned to Nathan and told him not to make the announcement. I wanted Ben and Meredith, Joel and Emily to bask in the joy their church shared with them. This was a big day for them. The microphone was in Nathan's hands. I was too late.

Nathan stood and he first thanked PMC for praying for me over the last several weeks. About two months before this Sunday I had to miss church because of a severe migraine and Nathan asked the church to pray for me because the migraines were getting out of hand. Every Sunday from then on, at least one person in the church asked me how I was doing and feeling. They never forgot. This amazed me. Humbled me. There was even one man, who was also a student at Fuller, who would see me on campus and count how many days it had been since my last migraine. One time we got all the way to 9 days before I saw him the next day and had to tell him that we had to start back at 0. He rejoiced with me every time we added to our count and put his hand on my shoulder and hung his head every time I told him we had to start over. The church had been with us from the beginning. Nathan thanked them for this. This was truly a gift.

Nathan went on to explain our lengthy visits to the hospital this week. "Adrianne was diagnosed with a brain tumor." I could hear the church deflate. The joy that was in the room just moments ago fled quickly. I could hear the air leave people's lungs and the bit of groan that comes with such a motion. My head dropped to my hands and I began to weep. Hearing the air leave people's lungs made me feel safe because my lungs were empty, too. I was among friends--family. I wept and I wept. Nathan continued talking. "...Surgery on December 10.." My body started to shake. I was finally crying the many tears I had been holding back all week. Nathan's voice began to shake. He put his hand on my shoulder. I cried harder. My head fell into my lap. I was nearly heaving. I didn't care. For the first time in my life I cried hard in front of a lot of people and I felt no pressure to hold in the tears or snot that soon covered my face and hands. The tears were expressions of grief, I think. Weariness for sure. I was tired. I was sad for Nathan and for our families. More than anything though, I was weak. I had been tough enough to get through the many conversations, appointments, and decisions that the previous week required. Sitting in this church I was among the strength of a faith community, however, among people who may or may not know me but choose to love me as their sister, and I felt safe to be weak.

Nathan told the church about our wedding. There were a few cheers. Nathan could no longer speak. The tears caught up to him, closed his throat, so he passed the microphone back to its stand. He sat down next to me. He fell into my side and began to weep. He felt safe, too. We wept. A few hands touched our shoulders. There was a silence in the room. A few sniffles. The next voice I heard was Dr. Erin Dufault-Hunter, our ethics professor, the one who spent the day with us at the hospital, the one who told me to get to a doctor in the first place. She spoke into the microphone, asking the worship team to get to their instruments. O Come O Come Emmanuel began to play. The church began to sing.

Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel...

From depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel...

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel...

Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel...

These were the lyrics I heard as I felt hand after hand land on my shoulder, my back, my head, my arms, my legs. Nathan's body was covered in hands too. As the church sang they gathered around us. I continued to weep. The sniffles grew louder. The song ended. The church prayed. People prayed for us. One after another people prayed. My body grew still. People handed me Kleenex. I looked up for the first time in twenty minutes. We were surrounded. Teary eyes stared into mine. They were crying with us? They understood our pain? They were hurting because we were hurting?

I vividly remember thinking as I looked over the sea of faces, "God, this is you. This is your face. You are weeping, too. You are here. You are beautiful."

I looked in the pew behind us. Emily and Meredith--the two women who were expecting their first child. Rosy cheeks. Teary eyes. I remember thinking how unfair this was. This was a day of celebration for them! I should be cheering them on, but they're sitting with me, they were teary-eyed with me. I hope I never forget this moment. I made eye contact with them and I received a small smile. A smile that said, "We're with you. We are all with you."

This was the most powerful image of the church, the bride of Christ, I had ever been given. Within a span of twenty-minutes, the church rejoiced loudly together and the church wept together. PMC is normally finished around noon, but my watch said it was almost 1:00. They sat with us. I was sure people had lunch to eat and places to be. But it felt like to many of them, we were suddenly the most important thing they would do that day. But why? Who are we? I learned that day that in times of crisis, the best thing we can do for someone is show up and sit with them. As people continued to sit with us that morning, air was breathed back into our lungs. The time that people gave to weep, pray, and sit with us gave us life, peace, hope, and strength.

Later that night Nathan and I called a meeting. We sent an e-mail out to Allelous, the intentional community where Nathan lived and where we would live as a married couple. We called two or three people. We told them to meet at 8pm in the Allelous common house if they wanted to hear what was going on, because at this point, all people had heard was bits and pieces of the story. We expected 10 people--maximum. Over 50 people sat on the couches, on chairs, on the floor, or stood in the back. 50 people? But why? Who are we?

We told them the diagnosis. We told them about the surgery. We told them we were going to get married 6 days from then. We asked for their help. Nathan said, "How do you throw a wedding in six days? You don't. You let your community do it." And we surrendered our wedding to our community.

We pointed to the courtyard of the community where we sat--we said we'll get married out there. What we didn't know is that we wouldn't get married out there. Wear jeans and t-shirts. We didn't know that there would be more suits and ties than jeans and t-shirts. We'll buy some burgers and throw them on the grill. We didn't know that when we saw the food at our wedding, we would stop in our tracks as our jaws hung open. We just want people there to celebrate with us. "The one condition: Adrianne cannot be involved." I was under strict orders from the doctors to remain under very low stress. The only thing I was to know was what time to show up and what to wear. Our community agreed to take on the challenge. Among the 50 people were students, staff, and faculty of Fuller Theological Seminary, members of Pasadena Mennonite Church, and a few other friends -- all of whom said they were representing many others.

As Nathan and I left the common house Toni became the wedding coordinator. Kenny headed up the music. Brenda and Charity were in charge of flowers. Floriane. Heather. Amber. Matt. Mikey. Josh. Jeana. Lauren. Laine. Matty. Katie. Emily. Andrew. Drew. Arthur. Kate. Christine. Megan. Denise. Erin. Dave. Joy. Jess. Desiree. Brian. Katherine..........................God, this is you. This is your face. You are here. You are beautiful.

When you show up for someone in crisis, it radically changes everything.

One Year Ago: November 27, 2009

2010-11-27T12:22:00.001-08:00

November 27, 2009: Black Friday. We could not keep up with the e-mails, calls, or texts that inundated our cell phones and inboxes. This inundation brought me a deep sense of peace. Every person who called, texted, and e-mailed was a bit of hope that stood in the line of vision between me and brain surgery; they were pieces to my world that held in place when everything else seemed like it was falling apart. They were my rock, my Aaron and Hur (Exodus 17:12).

We drove to Fresno to be with Nathan’s siblings. Allie made soup. The family talked while I clutched my phone in anticipation of the neurosurgery office calling with my surgery date.

A nurse from the neurosurgery department called. She had spent the last several hours calling other patients to cancel their appointments in order to make an urgent surgery slot available to me. They had a date and a time. December 10. Be there at 6:30am. Surgery will be around 10am. This was real. This was happening. I told everyone. This time my parents’ reaction was not like I had just told them the pizza delivery guy was on his way, this was more serious. This time their reaction was like I had just told them their 24-year old daughter was having brain surgery.

The reality sunk in a little deeper. Now I was on a neurosurgeon’s calendar. I would soon be another statistic. I wondered which statistic I would become. What I did not know was that I would become the first surgery of the thousands my neurosurgeon had successfully completed that would forever lack a diagnosis. I did not know that my neurosurgeon would one day tell me that I was quite possibly a miracle. I did not know that the statistic I was about to become was better than what I prayed for. I did not know that I would soon have a better understanding of what it means when the Bible says that God can do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, because the statistic I was about to become was one no one asked for and no one imagined possible. I watched my parents. The three of us sat in silence. The conversation continued around us. I was counting the hours that Nathan and I would be married before I had to say goodbye to him from the operating table.

We were getting married 8 days from then. The wedding dress that was being prepared for our original January 2 wedding date could not be ready in time for our wedding. I needed a dress. Nathan needed a suit. It was Black Friday. Convenient.

We loaded the cars, we went shopping. Brian. Allie. Sean. Shana. Janae. BJ. Lee. Pam. Randy. Nathan. Adrianne. We walked through a large department store where every suit, shirt, and tie was hugely discounted. Nathan tried on pants and shirts, socks and shoes. Everyone was a judge. Chocolate brown pants won. Tan socks won. Off-white button-up shirt won. Tan sport coat won.

We searched several stores for a wedding dress—or something close. My dad went to several stores and asked salespeople if they had long white dresses in stock. “Like, a wedding dress?” the salespeople would ask. “Yes! Like a wedding dress!” my dad would answer. Awkward. Of all of the things my dad has done for me in my life, this night I found to be absolute proof of his devotion to me.

We drove to a bridal store because we were running out of places to look and stores were beginning to lock their doors. The eleven of us walked into the store where three store employees were chatting. I walked to the counter, “I am getting married in 8 days and I need a wedding dress. I need to walk out of here with it tonight. Is this possible?” The three employees looked at each other like I was a kid from a youth group on a video scavenger hunt forced to do weird things in strange locations in order to win candy bars and the admiration of my fellow youth groupers and leaders. They seemed giddy at the challenge, but suspicious as to how this would be used against them later. I told them the shortest possible version of our story. The ten others vouched for its truth. Their giddy suspicion turned to concentration. They joined our mission. It was nearly 8pm. The store closed at 9pm.

Nathan looked at a few dresses, but then found the conversation with the other men to be more entertaining. Janae danced like a ballerina in front of all the mirrors. The women searched the rows of dresses frantically. I was glad Janae danced. People smiled when she danced. I needed to see our families smile.

Allie found one. She laughed and said, “It’s a junior bridesmaids dress.” I liked it. A lot. But a junior size 14? No way. I tried it on. Perfect. There was a small rip in the zipper that needed repair. We asked the staff if they could fix the dress before 9pm—25 minutes from then. They said they would do it. We all cheered. Janae did one final ballerina performance for everyone. We cheered some more.

We walked down the street to a nearby restaurant to celebrate our successful Black Friday adventure and our being together. My dad quickly decided upon a menu item and walked back to the dress store to pick it up before the stroke of 9pm. He put it in his rental car on top of Nathan’s new sport coat. Our wedding attire. Perfect. Allie found the dress, the men gave their nod of approval when asked for, Janae danced, everyone voted on the color of Nathan’s pants, the dress store rushed my dress’ repair, my dad ran to pick the dress up. It took the village and it was perfect.

One Year Ago: Thanksgiving Day

2010-11-26T13:23:00.001-08:00

November 26, 2009 – Thanksgiving. Kenny and I, Nathan, rode together for the two-hour drive to my parents’ home for Thanksgiving dinner. Adrianne rode with her parents. Needtobreathe’s latest album acted as our soundtrack for the drive to Shafter. I was doing fine until Lay ‘Em Down played finally drawing the pent up tears...

Come down to the river
Come and let yourself in
Make good on a promise
To never hurt again
If you're lost and lonely
You're broken down
Bring all of your troubles

come lay 'em down

All you sinners
And the weak at heart
All you helpless
On the boulevards
Wherever you are now
Whatever evil you've found
Bring all of your troubles
And come lay 'em down

It was the first time since that phone call on Tuesday night that I had been away from Adrianne to consider what was going on in our lives, what a brain tumor in my fiancé meant. For me, the next step was never really in question. Kenny asked good questions and we had a much needed long and honest conversation. I had a chance to lay down my own fear and say out loud to a trusted friend what was on my mind and in my heart. I was scared for Adrianne—the idea of what she was about to go through gave me the chills, but I was not afraid. One of the most profound things of being a Christian is that we need not fear, not even death. On that drive Kenny and I prayed, I laid down my fear, and I was freed. God granted me a surprising peace and strength in the midst of my weakness. Moving the wedding up was one of the best and easiest decisions I have ever made…but Adrianne did not know this yet…

___________________________________

Family and friends sat around a Thanksgiving meal prepared by two of my, Adrianne, favorite chefs. No one wanted to be the one to say grace, we all knew that whomever did would not be able to hold back the tears we all wanted to cry. The prayer was spoken. Sniffles from around the table drowned out some of the words. Our friends and family were crying with us—for us. I did not know that this would not be the last time people cried with us or for us. I did not know that tears would soon become the most intimate sense of there-ness that people shared with me. I did not know that people would later tell me that their efforts to walk with us would always feel inadequate to them. They did not know that their there-ness was deeply profound to me, especially their tears.

There were conversations about brain surgery. The decision to have surgery was easy. There was nervous discussion about an early wedding. We asked every individual around the table what their thoughts were. Art. Donna. Pam. Randy. Rod. Kenny. Lee. BJ. Nathan. We did not ask the elephant, no one acknowledged the elephant.

Unanimous—early wedding was approved. Unanimous, except for the one tallying the votes.

I was scared. The truth is, everyone was scared, everyone knew the implications of getting married before brain surgery, but no one said them aloud. I wanted someone to say it. I wanted someone to say, “Adrianne, you could die. Nathan you could be widowed in your first week of marriage.” I wanted the elephant to be acknowledged. The possibility of me dying, being in a coma, going permanently blind, partially blind, living in a vegetative state—this was the giant elephant sitting at our Thanksgiving table and no one ever acknowledged him.

I wanted someone to tell Nathan not to marry me early. I wanted someone to say that they were too afraid of how marrying me before brain surgery might dramatically alter Nathan’s life. I wanted someone to tell Nathan that the woman he marries might be a radically different person just days after he vows his life to her. I wanted someone to be afraid with me. I wanted someone to protect Nathan. Was it hope that kept people from speaking up? Was it fear? Was it faith? I did not know that everyone had a profound sense of peace about the brain surgery and an early wedding. I did not know that everyone saw the elephant, but everyone also saw the God who sat at this table, the God who has overcome this elephant before.

Nathan and I went upstairs. The elephant from our Thanksgiving dinner came with us—I invited him. We sat on the bed. I stared at the blue wall opposite of Nathan’s eyes. He asked me what I was thinking. I began to cry. “I could die you know!” I told him he was being a selfless idiot. I told him he needed to protect himself. I told him we should call off the wedding until he met me post-brain surgery.

Nathan never saw the elephant that loomed over my Thanksgiving table. Nathan never saw the elephant that sat in that bedroom with us. Nathan wiped the tears from my eyes and asked me to allow him to walk with me, as my husband, through thick and thin, sickness and health. He asked me to marry him all over again. He said he was not afraid. He said the hope he has in Christ is greater than the fear that people too easily allow to entangle life. It was not that he knew I would live or make a full recovery. No one knew this. Nathan said that he believed in a God who would continue to be faithful to him whether I lived or died, whether I survived in a vegetative state or enjoyed a full recovery. He said that he desired to make decisions out of love, not out of fear. I told him he was an idiot. I told him I would marry him—the next Saturday.

Faith, hope, love: 1 Elephant: 0

One Year Ago: November 25, 2009

2010-11-24T23:40:00.000-08:00

November 25, 2009—a Wednesday. I woke up a little after 6am. I didn’t feel like crying. Nathan drove over to the house to pick me up. Sherwood and Judy Lingenfelter were awake with us. We sat down in the living room together. No one really said much. There was never an awkward silence though, it was a peaceful silence.

Sherwood opened his Bible to Isaiah 43, the chapter he and Judy were going to read through that morning. He said he was going to read the chapter aloud. What I didn’t know was that those verses would give me great hope, peace, and strength for what was to become a long day at the hospital. I didn’t know that I was about to receive the first of many miracles that would happen that day. They weren’t to be the miracles I wanted or the miracles people either love to pray for or are too skeptical to consider. They were to be small miracles, but they were to be miracles. I didn’t know that those verses would be in my wedding, which I didn’t know was only a week away.

But now, this is what the LORD says—
   he who created you, Jacob,
   he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
   I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
   I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
   they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
   you will not be burned;
   the flames will not set you ablaze…

10 “You are my witnesses,” declares the LORD,
   “and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
   and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
   nor will there be one after me.
11 I, even I, am the LORD,
   and apart from me there is no savior.
12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
   I, and not some foreign god among you.
You are my witnesses,” declares the LORD, “that I am God.”
(Isaiah 43:1-2, 10-12)

Dr. Erin Default-Hunter, our ethics professor, picked us up at 7:15. She asked if we were hungry. Nathan said yes. I said no. She told me I needed to eat anyway. She had been to a coffee shop. Drinks, parfaits, and pastries waited for us in the backseat. She also brought some magazines—National Geographic, Relevant, and Sports Illustrated. What I did not know was that I was the only one in the car who did not know the diagnosis. The doctor had told Nathan on the phone the night before. Nathan told Erin when he called her. The doctor told Nathan not to tell me. I didn’t know this is why Nathan had called our friend, the ethics professor.

My phone beeped with a voicemail. I listened to it. It was my doctor: “Adrianne, I saw that you canceled your appointment for this morning and I wanted to know why. You need to be in the hospital as soon as possible, you should not put this appointment off. Please call me so we can schedule another appointment.”

What? I was on my way to the appointment. I did not cancel it. I tried to get a hold of my doctor but I found the automated call system impossible to navigate. We arrived. I tried to check in with the neurology receptionist. “You’re not scheduled for an appointment. You were scheduled for 1:30pm, but that was cancelled last night.” I explained that the doctor called late the night before and rescheduled me for 8:30am because there was a cancellation. “There was never a cancellation for this morning. We are completely booked.” The receptionist sighed and said, “But since you’re here, we’ll squeeze you in.” What I didn’t know is that if I had not been “rescheduled” to a morning appointment, this day would have never happened the way it did. What I did not know is that I would forever question who it was that called me the night before. I did not know that I would, from that point forward, always wonder if angels reschedule doctor appointments.

I sat in the neurologist’s office. She talked very matter-of-factly about the images we were staring at on her computer. This was her job. This was my life. Erin asked the questions. We listened. A white circle, about the size of a nickel, on the right occipital lobe of my brain. She said they were not sure what it was: tumor, infection, blood clot, etc., they needed to run more tests. What I did not know was they already knew it was a brain tumor. Brain tumors appear a certain way on MRIs and this was the picture-perfect brain tumor. I was not afraid, strangely, I was somehow okay with this white dot on my brain. Maybe it was how matter-of-fact the neurologist and Erin discussed it, maybe it was the words, “You will walk through the fire, you will not be burned. The flames will not set you ablaze,” running through my head, maybe it was the prayers of our friends and families.

A cancelled MRI appointment by another patient left an open spot at 11am for me. What I did not know is that openings for urgent MRIs normally take 3-5 business days to open up. I did not know that this cancellation would later seem to me a bit of a miracle. This MRI was different. They had to inject chemicals in me in order to light up the nickel-sized mass in my brain. I left the MRI with hospital bracelets on my wrists and bandaging around my elbows. My parents were there. We hugged. They had heard about the tumor.

A cancelled appointment with a neurosurgeon left an opening for me at 1:30pm. What I did not know is that appointments with neurosurgeons can take one-to-three months to open. I did not know that when someone is diagnosed with a brain tumor they usually have to go home between appointments with the sting of waiting for the next appointment. I did not know that I would later come to understand this day at the hospital as one giant miracle. We went to lunch. A small Mexican restaurant next to the hospital. I was not hungry. They ordered for me anyway. I drank a smoothie. I picked at my taco salad. My phone rang. It was the doctor. “Adrianne, the MRI results came back and it has been confirmed that you have a brain tumor. I wanted you to hear this before you meet with the brain surgeon.”

I turned to my parents, Nathan, and Erin and I told them the brain tumor has been confirmed. They responded as though I just told them the pizza delivery guy is on his way. They all nodded their heads and went on with their conversation. I was glad this was the response. It made me feel normal. Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

We lined up in the neurosurgeon’s office. Erin was on the floor. Nathan and I were on the examination table. My mom and dad were in chairs. Dr. Pikul was on the small doctor’s stool that rolls and spins. He showed us the new images of the mass embedded in my brain. He gave us options—biopsy, ignore it for now, or surgery. He recommended surgery. What none of us knew is that the MRI scans were not telling the truth. The tumor would turn out to be an abscess and if we chose the route of a biopsy we could have spread the infection to more of my brain. My dad took notes on paper he held to the rim of the porcelain sink. Erin asked the questions. I held eye contact with Dr. Pikul and hands with Nathan. I did not hear much except, “You will be my witnesses, declares the LORD, that I am God.”

We left the hospital with a decision to make. I was told that I was no longer allowed to take any medications for my headaches until I made a decision about the next step and, if I chose surgery, no medications at all until after the surgery (they’re blood thinners). No Excedrin, no Tylenol, no Anacin, no Advil? This was the scariest news I had heard all day. The thought of having to live with these headaches and not have a remedy for them terrified me.

We drove home. My headache grew intense. I closed my eyes fearing that any light would provoke a seizure. We ordered dinner from the Lebanese Kitchen—a favorite of Nathan and mine. We put in the next episode of No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. I fell asleep before the show started with my head on Nathan’s lap. I did not touch my dinner.

I woke up just in time to go to bed. My headache was gone. Relief. “I, and not some foreign god among you…” What I did not know was that my body had just overcome the last headache I would have for the next two weeks before the surgery. I did not know that I was about to go the longest I had gone without a headache in seven months. I did not know that I would be asked every day for the next two weeks if I had a headache and I would always be able to say no. I did not know that this was the first hour of another miracle.

Nathan drove us to the house. We told the Lingenfelters the diagnosis. A comment was made about Nathan and I being four weeks away from our wedding. My mom said, jokingly at most, “You can get married early!” We all laughed. We went to bed.

My servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he.

One Year Ago: November 24, 2009

2010-11-23T22:52:00.000-08:00

One year ago, November 24 was a Tuesday. I started the morning at the Lingenfelter's, where I was staying for my last few weeks of the Fall quarter at Fuller. I was getting ready to walk to school and I turned on the vanity lights above the sink to brush my teeth. The intensity of the lights above the sink made me squint. I shut my eyes. I finished brushing my teeth. I tied back my hair because I did not have the energy to do anything else with it, I had lacked this energy for months. I sat down on the bed to rest for a moment. The lights above the sink caught my eyes again. I shut my eyes again, but this time the light remained bright on the backs of my eyelids. The lights above the sink began to flash behind my closed eyes. Fireworks. Slowly at first, but then the lights flashed faster and faster until the light took over my ability to see anything. I went blind. I laid back on the bed and searched for my phone on the nightstand. I found the number 6 and held it down, knowing that it would connect me to Nathan. He answered and I said, "It's happening again." He said he was on his way.

Nathan drove me over to his apartment while I held my head in my hands. I took one of the little pills I was prescribed by the doctor I had seen the previous week--a medication for migraines. Within minutes I was asleep on Nathan's couch. I woke up several hours later when Nathan said to one of his roommates, "She has another migraine." Nathan missed a meeting with his PhD advisor because I told him I was in a lot of pain. I felt as though I had no control over my mind, my words, my thoughts. I was in that state between consciousness and sleep and I could not escape it. I was scared. I vowed to never take another one of those migraine pills ever again. I flushed the rest of them down the toilet.

Episodes such as these were what drove me to the doctor two weeks before this day. "Mirgraines." the doctor said. I wasn't convinced. He sent me to a neurologist where I spent an hour learning about migraines. I still wasn't convinced. I tried to explain to the neurologist that my migraines didn't exactly fit into any of the categories I was learning about. She ordered an MRI, “Just to be sure.”

It was about five o’clock in the evening now. I was still on Nathan’s couch. I was still fighting through severe fatigue and a headache. My phone rang. It was the doctor. We had been waiting for this phone call since the Friday night before when I had the MRI. What I didn't know is that I would soon grow weary of my phone ringing with doctors waiting on the other end. The neurologist asked how I was feeling. I told her about my private screening of fireworks earlier that morning, how poorly my body reacted to the medicine, and how fatigued I still was. She told me that the MRI results came back. Her voice sounded nervous. I remember knowing that something was wrong because if the MRI was okay, she would have sounded happier, stronger, or at least, she would not have sounded nervous.

“Your MRI results came back. Adrianne… It’s abnormal. It’s urgent. We need you to come to the hospital tomorrow.”

I squeaked out a faint, “What?” I asked this as though I hadn’t heard what she had said. I heard exactly what she said, but I was hoping that if I gave her another chance she would say something different, something better, something normal and not urgent. She repeated her first statement and told me they had an appointment for me at 1:30 the next afternoon.

I dropped the phone. Nathan, who had been listening this whole time, ran to the phone and picked it up. He paced the room while he talked to the doctor. His voice shook. He got off the phone and sat down on the couch next to me. He pulled my head into his chest and we wept.

We gathered enough strength to call our parents, well, Nathan gathered enough strength. I made him call my parents because I didn’t want to hear their reactions. He called his parents. Then he called our ethics professor, a close friend, to ask for help. I called Laura. I cried. I called Kelsey. I was stronger with Kelsey. I asked them to tell all the other girls and ask them to pray. My dad called back. He said he and my mom bought plane tickets for the next morning and they would be there in time for the appointment. What I didn't know was that these would be just the first of hundreds of people who would pick up pieces of the heaviness that weighed us down that night. I didn't know that the few phone calls and text messages I initiated would be passed on to thousands more people from around the world. I didn't know that over the next few months I would get emails and phone calls from people whom I had never met, but people who had been walking with Nathan and I since this very night.

The phone calls were difficult for me. No one knew what to say, especially not me. I was immobilized by fear and most people took to listing off everything that an abnormal and urgent MRI could mean, they listed everything, of course, except for the bad thing.

It was about 8 o’clock in the evening now. My phone rang. It was the doctor. What doctor works until 8pm? She said an 8:30am appointment became available so she rescheduled me for then. This meant my parents would not be there in time. Nathan called our ethics professor again, who had earlier insisted that if we didn’t have a ride to the hospital, we were to call her. She said she’d pick us up at 7:15am. She told us to get some rest.

Nathan drove me back to the house where I was staying. He sat on the bed next to me and prayed until I fell asleep. Oh, what I didn't know that night...

Duck Duck Delicacy?

2010-11-21T21:15:00.000-08:00

On Friday, Nathan and I were given an opportunity to walk through a community within the city lines of Beira, Mozambique. We walked through the community with the leaders of an organization that was initiated by and is sustained because of local initiatives. We walked through the poorest and most densely populated community in Beira. Nathan and I have both lived among, witnessed, and been broken by intense poverty in several countries around the world, including the United States, so the poverty was nothing new. The newness, however, came with the people we met along the way.

Meet the poverty, but meet the people:

There were several public "toilets" in this neighborhood. These toilets consisted of four walls and an open hole out the back of the toilet where sewage collected and shone with a green fluorescence that Nathan and I had never seen before. Upon such a sight, our immediate stream of consciousness is to think how spoiled we are, but then we ask ourselves, is having running water and contained sewage being spoiled? Or is the lack of running water and contained sewage a perversion of justice? We believe the latter. I don't believe that God wants Nathan and I to dig a hole in our backyard and forgo our use of running water and sewage systems because there are people in the world who lack these things. But then how do we walk alongside this community in the human search for dignified living without risking a neo-colonialism that believes this community's better future includes running water and contained sewage? Would this community include these things in their desired better future?

These were the thoughts running through my head until I heard Nathan, after noticing the ducks sharing our path, ask our translator, "Is duck a common meal here?" Our translator replied with a yes. We then explained to the people who were introducing us to their community that in the United States duck is considered a delicacy and only the wealthy order this meal in a restaurant. We told them that Nathan and I will never be able to order duck at a restaurant. Their jaws dropped. We told them that when they eat duck they can know that they are big men in America's eyes. They laughed.

They talked amongst themselves for a moment and then the leader of this group told us that they would buy us two ducks so we could take them back to America and share them with our family. You've probably heard it said that the people with the least to offer are often the most generous. Nathan and I were convicted of this once again. We then tried to explain that we cannot take live ducks on an airplane back to America, but we really appreciated their offer.

We met several more people, spotted more pools of open sewage, and shook more hands while uttering the simple Portuguese greetings we've learned. This continued until I heard Nathan ask a man through our translator, "These shells are beautiful, where do you find these shells?" Nathan was referring to the shells of mussels, we found out, that people first use as a meal and then plant in their yards for decoration. "Mussels!" We exclaimed. "You get to eat mussels, too!? Mussels are another delicacy in America!" Their jaws dropped again. We explained to them, once again, that Nathan and I cannot afford mussels and only the wealthy people in America get to order them in a restaurant. They laughed.

Twenty minutes had passed when one of the men from this organization told us that he had gone looking in the market for mussels for us to take home for dinner that night, but no one at the market was selling any that day.

We were about to depart from the community and return to the side of Beira where we are staying--where this community knew we were from--the wealthy side. As we were getting into the 4x4 SUV (If the average vehicle says 1,000 words about the status of its passengers, a 4x4 says 10,000) the men of this organization asked us if we could wait so they could go buy us a duck for our dinner that evening. We had to pass up their offer because we were leaving town and would not be able to prepare duck that evening.

As we drove through the transition from poor to rich, my questions of neo-colonialism and that community's better future were silenced by the overwhelmingly generous gestures of the people Nathan and I were given the great honor of meeting. They were willing to give of themselves, from the little they have, because they wanted Nathan and I to have a meal that would be an experience that we would not get in America because we lack the resources. What should this teach me about how I go about international development? What should this teach me about walking with the poor? This must teach me something.

Next time you're at a restaurant and you see duck or mussels on the menu, think of this neighborhood and think of these people.

Mozambique

2010-11-17T23:04:00.000-08:00

Beira, Mozambique. It's hot and humid, but it has a constant wind that cruises inland from the ocean. The sun sets over the ocean each night -- ten points to whomever can figure out how we're seeing the sun set over the ocean on the Indian side of Africa. Portuguese architecture fills the city. Cement everywhere. The city is very noisy because sound constantly bounces off cement walls. We're staying on the fourth floor of a building and we can hear conversations happening on the ground as if they were spoken on our balcony. The city still displays wounds from Mozambique's recent war. There are three-story staircases to no where because the buildings to which they once navigated were blown away during the war. The grocery store, for those of you who know African grocery chains, is Shop Rite. Local farmers bring their goods to the main road to sell each day. Pastry recipes left here by the Portuguese and sharpened by Africans are directly from the Lord. I'm sure people cannot eat those without dedicating or rededicating their lives to the Lord--people who have committed their lives to evangelism should really consider these pastries as part of their strategy. The power/electricity works, sometimes. Nathan was nearly electrocuted yesterday. Spaghetti dinners by candlelight with Nathan make even the simplest of evenings seem romantic and when the power comes back on, we turn the lights off again. Portuguese is easier to understand than we expected, our ears for Spanish have attuned our minds to follow most conversations--our responses, however, are most often smiles. The people we have interacted with are lovely. There is a spirit about the people here that is simple, but fascinating. There is a wisdom that seems as though it has never been encouraged, but I look forward to the day the potential here is realized. The sun rises about 4:30 each morning. So do the people. Nathan and I disagree with the time of this wake-up call, but we realize there is little we can do.

We like having the ocean in sight. It reminds us how little we are.

We have received an invite from the Mennonite Central Committee partners working in Beira. We now face a very, very difficult decision between Swaziland and Mozambique. Both have pros and cons that seem to cancel each other out, making them--essentially--equal for our purposes. One of the countries has significant benefits for Nathan's research and the other has significant benefits such as access to healthcare, which has recently become an important factor in this decision, for example. We have a spreadsheet that outlines the pros and cons of both Mozambique and Swaziland and it is not an obvious decision. We'll be praying over the decision for a while, knowing that the final decision does not need to be made for a month or two.

We have been so blessed by the many emails and notes that carry enormous encouragement our way. Thanks for walking with us through this journey. We have some really exciting events coming up in the next few weeks and we look forward to getting to share those with you, too. Life is so much better in community. Thanks for that gift.

The Found-ling Home

2010-11-11T23:02:00.000-08:00

When I, Adrianne, applied to Fuller Theological Seminary, I had no idea why or to what end I was reaching for. All that I knew when I applied was that it was the next step I was supposed to take. When I applied to Fuller, I was encouraged by people around me to pursue a Masters of Divinity instead of a Masters of Cross-Cultural Studies. Without being able to articulate why, I was pulled toward the latter, despite encouragement the other way. It wasn't until many weeks after my classes at Fuller started that I began to understand why I was there or why I was doing the masters program I was.

I was sitting in a class called Global Evangelical Movement taught by Dr. Jehu Hanciles and he discussed with the class Scripture's ability to critique and affirm aspects of every culture in the world and it is only when we gain an understanding of Scripture through the lens of every culture in the world that we will begin to understand Scripture for all that it has to say. He said all of this far more eloquently than I just did, and I think this was a tangent rather than class material he was discussing, yet it was the most poignant thing I remember from that course. (Sorry Dr. Hanciles, everything you say is important, I just don't remember everything.)

It was then that I began to understand why I loved to travel, why I was at Fuller, and why I wanted to pursue a life that allowed me time overseas with people and cultures other than my own. I wanted so badly to understand Scripture, but I was missing something--I was missing hearing Scripture read and Bible stories told from a culture other than my own, from a perspective other than my own. I know what the story of the Prodigal Son means to suburban Iowa, but I wanted to hear what Psalm 126:5 said to an African because I, quite honestly, have no idea what it means to sow in tears (to give just one example).

I'll tell you where I am headed with this...

We're currently in Swaziland. An amazing country. The land is mountainous, green, and breathtaking. The people are beautiful, their smiles are bright, their wisdom is unending, and their hospitality is encouraging. Our time here has been filled with rest, great conversations, and unexpected meetings and interviews with people who leave us in awe of the Swazi experience, courage, history, and future. We've been blessed with a community here and we've been here a mere six days. Thank you Lord, what a gift.

Nathan and I were sitting in the dining area of our lodge the other night while a group who met for a conference about caring for orphans ate dinner in the room next to us. They began to sing a Swazi song of praise to God. It was beautiful. Nathan and I stopped our conversation to listen. They began a devotional and Nathan and I decided eavesdropping was okay if it was about the Bible. The man spoke about the Prodigal Son, but he told the story in a way I had never heard before. He talked for a long time about the image of a grown man running. In Swazi culture, grown men don't run--the image of being "put together" is too important to risk someone seeing you run. The Swazis in the crowd laughed hard at the thought of a grown man running. I had never thought about the father running to his son before, but it's an incredible part of the story one cannot miss when they know Swazi culture. It's profound.

The speaker continued. He said that in Old English, orphanages were called "Foundling Homes." I like that. The phrase "Foundling Home" brings a deep sense of relationship and intimacy into the concept of an orphanage that the term orphanage just doesn't capture for me. He then went on to discuss a life of working with orphans with his crowd through the lens of the Prodigal Son. This is a perspective on this story I had never heard before, nor probably ever would have if I stayed in the suburban Iowa context I know well.

While listening in on this devotional, I was reminded again why I desire to live in a context other than the one I know. I was reminded again why a life lived with people who are different than myself is incredibly exciting. This was not mentioned in the devotional, but while thinking about the concept of a Foundling Home, it made me think of Heaven. That's really what it is, I think, a Foundling Home.

Well, we leave Swaziland today and arrive in Mozambique tomorrow (Saturday, November 13).

Thanks for eavesdropping with us :)

Update on Nathan

2010-11-07T00:20:00.000-07:00

I did some research last night following the exhaustion lead from the doctor and looking at Nathan's symptoms. From exhaustion I looked into heat exhaustion and from there I found salt depletion. Salt depletion explained every one of his symptoms. So last night we got him some Gatorade, crackers, and vegetable soup loaded with salt. He perked up almost immediately, slept the whole night last night, and woke up feeling good this morning. It is a complete 180 from yesterday so we're going to do the drive to Swaziland today. We're quite convinced that salt depletion was the cause. Thanks for the prayers! Praise the Lord it was an easy answer!

Next stop, Swaziland!

Prayers for Nathan

2010-11-06T08:33:00.000-07:00

Nathan was in the emergency room this afternoon because of severe chills, high fever, joint and muscle pain, and nausea. The doctor was quite aloof and hard to communicate with, so no real tests were done. We have not been in an area that has typhoid or malaria, but we've been through multiple airports and bus terminals, where anything could exist. The doctor diagnosed Nathan with exhaustion, but we're skeptical because we have been intentional about resting, especially in the last two weeks. We're praying that he can get some rest tonight (he couldn't sleep last night) and that there is a quick recovery.

We're supposed to leave for Swaziland tomorrow (we're currently in Pietermaritzburg, South Africa), but we are planning on delaying the trip a day. We are blessed to be staying with some MCCers who have been enormously gracious and hospitable and have offered their home to us for however long Nathan needs to recover. Praise the Lord for them.

We'll keep you updated. Thanks for the prayers.

A Few Photos

2010-11-02T07:37:00.000-07:00

We are having a great time in Botswana reconnecting with my (Nathan) old friends in Old Naledi. The welcome they have given is incredible. They even put us up in the Big Five Lodge. I am amazed at how much has changed in Gaborone and Old Naledi in just five years. The roads are being paved and they are being connected to power, water and sewage. In Gaborone, there are big new buildings going up all over the city. The pace of life in Old Naledi, however, has not changed too much and time is still not that big of a deal. There is always time to sit and have a good conversation and catch up with friends.

On a different note, the following are a few pictures from our travels in Cape Town. Thanks for all of your prayers and support!

The Waterfront in Cape Town

Cape Point with the Atlantic Ocean behind us, and the Indian Ocean in front of us (behind the camera).

Hillcrest Berry Farm outside of Stellenbosch

Farther along. Fuller yet.

2010-10-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

I believe it was a Richard Foster book I read several years ago where he described a man, or he was the man, who signed off everything he wrote with, "Farther along." I like this. It's true, isn't it? At least I hope we're always a bit farther along. Well, I'm going to sign off of this post with, "Fuller yet." Here is why:

Nathan and I booked a flight late last Friday night to leave mid-day Saturday from Johannesburg to Cape Town, South Africa. The international Lausanne Conference was happening in Cape Town this past week and over 4,000 Evangelical church leaders and emerging leaders gathered for meetings, worship, and discussions about how to get the church...farther along. Several professors from Fuller Theological Seminary, where we attend school, were at this conference and we received a phone call from one of them on Friday that said, "If you can make the trip, we can meet with you." Sounds very Field of Dream-ish, doesn't it? Well, we made the trip. And they did meet with us. Oh boy did they meet with us!

We got to spend two and a half days with our Fuller professors seeking wisdom from them about our research, our struggles, our excitement, and asked many, many questions. What incredible and perfectly timed encouragement. They also treated us to nice meals on the Waterfront of Cape Town and took us places like Cape Point (the Southern-most tip of Africa and the point where the Atlantic and Indian oceans crash together). So while our time with them was encouraging from an academic and research perspective, it was also life-giving and rejuvenating to spend time with them. What an incredible gift these past few days have been.

Additionally, Nathan and I LOVE Cape Town! As one of our professors put it, this may be a place we vacation for many years to come. We're staying at a backpacker's lodge on the coast of False Bay. We're right across the street from a bakery that has perfected breads such as Museli Bread and Chocolate Croissants :) This trip has served us well.

We leave this great city Friday morning and head to Botswana for a few days. From there, we go back to South Africa, then to Swaziland, then to Mozambique, back to Botswana, and finish our time in Southern Africa in Johannesburg for a few more meetings. Our time in Botswana will reacquaint Nathan with many old friends and will hopefully be a place where Nathan can engage in honest conversations with his friends about his research, its weaknesses, its strengths, and how to improve his frameworks. Our time in Swaziland and Mozambique will be an opportunity to look at a few possible research sites and hopefully make a decision between the two as to which will serve as a long-term site.

We spent this afternoon in a lovely part of South Africa called Stellenbosch. We met with a professor for a couple of hours and then visited a berry farm (most people know Stellenbosch for their vineyards and wineries, but we didn't want the berry farm to feel left out). The meeting went extraordinarily well and if Mozambique and Swaziland do not work out, well, we think we may have a back up plan.

Alright, signing off from the internet cafe' that overlooks the Indian ocean. Off to get our laundry and cook our dinner made up of tomatoes, apples, and gem squash (we went over budget today). Thanks for the many prayers and emails of encouragement over the last week.

In closing, we are certainly farther along, but not because of anything we have done this week. We are father along because of our great community at Fuller and a God who constantly fills our cup. So, to sign off:

Fuller yet,
Nathan and Adrianne

Sometimes...

2010-10-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's the anticipation of answered prayers that makes praying really exciting. Sometimes it's knowing that there's a God who heard our prayers that makes answered prayers really exciting. But then sometimes, when prayers are answered, you have to think back through what it was you actually prayed for in order to understand why it was answered the way it was answered that way.

To give an example... Before Nathan and I got married we were so eager to be married. We prayed that the last couple months before our wedding day would go really fast! Well, they went fast. Our wedding was moved up a month! Do I think I was diagnosed with a brain tumor because Nathan and I prayed that our wedding day would feel FedEx-next-day-delivery quick? No, I can't say that I think that is why everything happened the way it did. But everything that happened last year sure made me think back through many of the prayers I had prayed over those last few months. Another example... we prayed hard that our community, family, and churches would come together through our wedding and marriage. As I prayed for this, I wasn't thinking that our community, family, and churches would come together to put on a wedding in six days for us and carry us through brain surgery and recovery immediately following our wedding. Believe it or not, that possibility never crossed my mind. I could continue on with more examples, but I'll get to the point.

After our meetings today (5 hours of them + travel time), I began to wonder what exactly we've been praying for. So, where do I look to better understand my prayers? Dictionary.com, of course!

Discernment: To discern is to perceive by the sight or some other sense or by the intellect; see, recognize, or apprehend. Also, to discern is to distinguish mentally; recognize as distinct or different; discriminate.

Wisdom: The quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.

Sounds exciting, doesn't it? To pray knowing that God will help us see and recognize, to apprehend and distinguish?! Or to pray knowing that God will reveal what is true and right?! Why, then, is it sometimes more fun to pray for these things with great fervor and excitement than it is to watch the answers unfold? Why can I pray with excitement for my wedding day to come quickly but then when our wedding day really does come quicker I want so badly to wait four more weeks for it to come?

Nathan and I will be the first to admit that today was difficult for us. Wisdom and discernment landed in our laps, though far from neatly or gently. Today's meetings were great, they really were. MCC Southern Africa is extremely blessed with incredible leadership and it's a privilege to work alongside people who care deeply about their work and the people they work with. But today's meetings brought some answered prayers: Wisdom and discernment. "But?" you ask?

To sum things up quickly: Zimbabwe--Officially off the table. Zambia--most likely off the table. Swaziland--On the table, currently the runner-up. Mozambique--standing in first place.

"But?" Well, discernment came to us today in the form of people's excitement, or non-excitement, about the research. Wisdom came in the form of hard conversations where Nathan and I had to face how little we really know about what the next few years should look like. Discernment came through discouragement and disappointing conversations, but then through encouraging and exciting conversations. Wisdom came from smiles and handshakes or uninterested gestures. And while the aforementioned good is easy to swallow, the not so good is not so easy to swallow.

But wisdom and discernment is what we've been praying for and we're pleased to receive it. But I must say, praying for discernment has been far more exciting than receiving it today. Wouldn't it be nice if all answered prayers washed down the throat like sugar? But alas, our wedding day did come a month early and though the after-taste was sweet, it sure didn't taste like sugar at the time. And alas, Mozambique and Swaziland have extended their hands to us and the others have kindly encouraged us to walk through other doors. And while I'm looking forward with great anticipation to the sweetness of this one year from now, today was a bit sour.

Thanks Lord for understanding more than I do and thanks for answered prayers, really, I mean that. We'll keep praying for things we don't really understand and expect answers in ways you'll most likely not answer them. And you'll keep being God--good, perfect, and faithful. Sure glad we can count on one of us :)

We should have bought stock in Mugg & Bean before we left the US.

2010-10-21T03:57:00.000-07:00

Meetings galore. Nearly all of them have been at Mugg & Bean coffee shop and restaurant. Mugg & Bean is a really great restaurant and the people who work there are always lovely. All of this we know, because we've been there nearly everyday in the last three weeks!

We have made some wonderful connections throughout Johannesburg and have finally wrapped our heads around what we must do this fall--as much as we are able to wrap our heads around what seems like an insurmountable project, anyway.

We met with all of the Southern Africa country representatives from the Mennonite Central Committee last night. Basically, we shared with them what the vision for the research is and they then proceeded to ask questions about partnerships and power that couldn't be answered in a 300-page book. However, Nathan handled their questions quite well (this is Adrianne writing) and we hope that they see a need for Nathan's PhD research and are willing to give us a chance. We meet with them again tomorrow (Friday, October 22) for lunch and we'll likely attempt to answer more questions and continue to build relationships with each of the country representatives.

Over the last couple weeks, Nathan has read through the project plans for MCC's partnerships that work with HIV/AIDS and we have been able to gain greater insight into where a promising location for the two of us long-term might be. Originally, we were going to look at Swaziland, Zimbabwe, and Zambia. This has changed. For several reasons, Zimbabwe is no longer on our list, though we will remain open to the idea if this is the direction MCC and World Vision push us. Mozambique is now on the list of possibilities and currently ranks in either 1st or 2nd place. Swaziland and Zambia continue to be promising for the purposes of Nathan's research and for job placement for Adrianne. The drawback to Mozambique is the national language, among many tribal tongues, is Portuguese. However, we both see this as a short-term challenge with long-term benefits (a career in international development is always behooved by multi-lingual capabilities).

In the next few weeks, we will visit sites in Mozambique, Zambia, and Swaziland for 7-10 days each in order to better understand the partnerships in which MCC is engaged. We will then spend the last three weeks of our time in Southern Africa in Botswana where Nathan can seek wisdom from people whom he trusts, and who trust Nathan, in order to refine his research and interview frameworks.

Adrianne's health has been flawless, which is incredibly exciting. She has had a few more stitches come through her scalp, which causes discomfort, but if that is the greatest of our health woes, we're doing just fine. We're currently praying hard for continued discernment for which country to live long-term, for a job to open up for Adrianne, and for more helpful connections and conversations that benefit Nathan's research and ultimately, the unity of the Church as we partner together across many seas for the sake of the Kingdom.

Thanks for your prayers!

Now, for some Mugg & Bean :)

Win Some - Lose Some

2010-10-08T08:02:00.001-07:00

Win Some – Lose Some

We have found ourselves saying, “Win some, lose some,” quite frequently on the trip. It has mostly been in jest, but it works well as a quick description of our first few days in Johannesburg, South Africa. Here are a few bits from our adventure thus far:

Win: Our Mennonite Central Committee (MCC) hosts picked us up from the airport in Johannesburg, South Africa, drove us to our hotel/apartment, and to top off their gracious and hospitable welcome to their country, they left us at our new place with a bag of groceries for our next few meals. What a blessing that was!

Lose: The hotel/apartment did not have our booking.

Win: The hotel/apartment had another room that was a free upgrade!

Lose: We’ve been struggling to sleep at night. Jetlag is a beast!

Win: We have successfully stayed awake during the daytime!

Lose: We are still without transportation.

Win: We are within walking distance to a bakery full of meat pies, sausage rolls, and sweets—all of which bring back great stories and memories from Nathan’s previous stay in Botswana and Adrianne’s time in Australia.

Lose: We went to a used car dealership to see if buying a car was an option. Not an option. We went to a car rental to get an idea of the cost of renting a vehicle. Surprisingly expensive.

Win: MCC is renting us one of their vehicles at an incredible rate! We also have an option of renting-to-own another vehicle from MCC that would be here when we return in 2011—and at a great price! Yay!

Lose: Internet cafés are few and far between in our neighborhood. This is frustrating as Adrianne needs to access the internet for her independent distance learning class at Fuller and Nathan makes arrangements for meetings and interviews around Southern Africa.

Win: We have had a bit of internet access through wi-fi connected cafés via the consumption of a number of rooibos teas and hot chocolates.

Win: We had an excellent meeting with our MCC hosts about the next few months and years. After that meeting, we are more reassured than ever that there are many wins to come!

Win: The prayers of our friends and family. Thanks.

Wins: 8, Loses: 5

Wins prevail again.

Tutorial 3 - Finished!

2010-09-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

Check that off the list! I finished my third of six tutorials today. My fourth tutorial, which is something between a directed reading and a large independent research project, will begin with our trip to southern Africa. To celebrate I had four Oreos and took a paddle on Sundown Lake, IA. Now that my arms are good and tired I will get back to work on putting the course "Globalization and the Poor" onto Moodle. All the while Adrianne is making good progress on her paper and learning a lot about the ethical issues of antibiotics and the laws of patents.

Now, to back track, here are some pictures from our trip from Shafter to Yosemite to Yellowstone to Ft. Collins to Des Moines.

Yosemite

Yosemite, the waterfalls, reportedly, were pretty stunning only two weeks before. By the time we were there the snow had mostly melted. Still, the whole park is quite spectacular.

Eastern Yosemite, very refreshing.

Yellowstone

August 25 = Christmas in Yellowstone

With the Price-Fosters outside of Ft. Collins

Kayaking on Sundown Lake

The Towe Lake house

3 Weeks and Counting

2010-09-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note that in three weeks Adrianne and I will be travelling to Johannesburg, South Africa. This will be the beginning of my field research for my PhD program. We will be meeting with as many projects that have churches and development organizations working together as possible. It will be our first trip outside of North America together (we visited Mexico together on our belated honeymoon). We are starting to get excited, especially now that some of the little details are beginning to take shape.

In the meantime, Adrianne needs to finish up the Independent Distance Learning (IDL) in Christian Ethics she is taking and I need to finish designing Globalization and the Poor on Moodle (Fuller's online class format). That said, I am sure the three weeks will fly by, but we hope to keep you up-to-date on our up coming journey.

The dates of our trip are: October 4 - December 15.

Case Closed.

2010-09-10T12:49:00.000-07:00

I, Adrianne, received a voicemail Wednesday night from my neurosurgeon. The voicemail said there was an update from the Center for Disease Control on my case. Unfortunately, I heard the voicemail at 11:00pm and with Nathan on the West Coast for meetings, I barely slept a wink that night.
Everything imaginable crossed my mind... They figured it out? Was it from the ocean? A swimming pool? Overseas? Does this mean more exams? Does this mean no more exams? I managed to get a couple hours of sleep that night, but I woke up early ready for a call from the doctor.
I heard from my neurosurgeon late Thursday evening. An anxiously awaited phone call. He read, word for word, the report that came back from the CDC in Atlanta. A mass of white blood cells were found, uniquely shaped mircoorganisms discovered, and more calcium spots... The people working on the case were hoping each of those would lead to a conclusion, but upon examining every bit of the mass, everything was sterilized. So, the update is that there is no update. However, my case is now officially closed. The CDC, AFIP, Kaiser and UCLA have all concluded that the case is unsolvable.
I then got to spend a few minutes with my neurosurgeon talking about Africa, family, and life. What a joy.
So here is the official word: We will never know. But to quote my neurosurgeon from months ago, "Prayers were certainly answered."

I hadn't realized how at peace I was with not knowing the cause of the brain mass until the possibility of knowing arrived. I didn't want to know, to be honest, I was horribly anxious for the conversation. I now, more than ever, understand the great peace that has come with the events of the last 9 months. 9 months to this very day. Thankful for you prayers and thankful for the peace I have been granted.

Oceans, rivers, lakes, pools... I have no reason to fear you and every reason to enjoy you :)
Case closed.

Traveling Penners

2010-08-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

I, Adrianne, would like to put in a disclaimer on this video. 1) I was in the front of the kayak where there is NO steering power. 2) There were heavy currents in the river. 3) I was trying to avoid something in the river on the right, so when it looks like I'm steering straight into the left side, I'm actually diligently steering away from something else. Nathan disagrees with the last statement.

No plants were harmed in the making of this video.

More details about our trip coming soon! Sorry we've been so closed lip about this trip for so long. There have been many, many logistics we have been waiting on before we spread the news, but things are finally coming together!

Seminary Summer Camp

2010-07-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

I (Adrianne) have been in summer camp this week. Seminary summer camp. Or at least that is what it feels like. Each morning I tie my walking shoes, pack my backpack with plenty of water, snacks, change for the buses, a Metro pass, a notebook, sunglasses, sunscreen, a jacket, an umbrella, lunch money, and I meet my fellow summer campers at the train stop at approximately 7am. We then take a few trains to downtown Los Angeles where we meet the rest of our class on Skid Row. This is where my seminary summer camp goes.

The purpose of this class (Transforming the City is its title) is to journey the city of Los Angeles while trying to understand its history, its present, its future, its context, its struggles, its hopes, and, above all else, discern how God is active within the city and gain a greater understanding of the faith response to Los Angeles. Fascinating. I have many, many stories already from this week, but there is one moment in particular I want to share with you.

Today our class was sitting knee-to-knee and shoulder-to-shoulder in a small room. Its walls were brushed with neon green. Canvases covered in graffiti lined the walls. We were three blocks from the heart of downtown Los Angeles in a ministry that uses art (graffiti, theater, dancing, etc.) to reach youth on the streets of LA.

We were sitting in this small room, huddled together, and we were told that the verdict from the Oscar Grant case (Google this if you are not familiar) was about to be publicly announced 2 blocks from where we were sitting. The two blocks that stood between us and the verdict were the two we just walked to arrive in this room. One of those blocks was covered by the LAPD and the National Guard. Military and news helicopters were hovering above us and people lined the street. The man leading our time together said, "How does it feel to be sitting in this room, knowing that the state of California and many around the nation are on the edge of their seats, awaiting this verdict? Knowing that the police are in riot gear awaiting this verdict?" I exchanged glances with my classmates as we allowed the heaviness of this verdict to inch down on our hearts.

I looked around the small room at the classmates whom I have grown close to this week. These were people I now knew. This was a situation I did not know. But this was a situation my seminary summer camp had forced me to wrestle.

Earlier this week, I stood with my classmates inside a barrack from the Japanese-American internment camps used during WWII. Their Japanese faces made them an enemy to the "American" people so they were packed away. The room we sat in today was about the size of the barracks the Japanese-American families were forced to live in for three years during WWII.

Earlier this week, we learned about the rooms rented by the night to people who have no other place to stay in Los Angeles. Large families are forced into small hotel rooms (no bathroom included) because they have no other option. No jobs are available, no family living in homelessness can rent a place in Los Angeles because they lack credit, and the vast majority of housing options for families such as these have been renovated into high-price lofts rented only to those who work in the buildings that cast a literal shadow on those surviving on Skid Row. The room we sat in today reminded me of the rooms many families are sleeping in tonight, because our society gives them no other choice.

Earlier this week, we met an undocumented immigrant who has lived in the United States for 21 years. She has a 20 year old daughter who is a citizen (she was born here) and because this woman refuses to leave her daughter until she is able to flourish on her own, she is a felon in the eyes of American law. This woman has been taken in by a church as part of the New Sanctuary Movement. Police will most likely not enter a place of worship to remove a person because it crosses a sacred boundary the public would not be pleased to see law enforcement cross. This woman cannot step off the grounds of the church or she will be picked up by the police and separated from her daughter--the only thing in this world she has. She lives in a closet the church renovated into a bedroom for her. Our world has forced her into this closet. She will sleep there tonight and hopefully for many nights to come, we pray, because the alternative is much, much farther away from her daughter. This closet, her home, is half the size of the room we sat in today.

As we sat in that room today, feeling the tension of the city, listening to the sounds of the helicopters, watching the lights of police sirens flash against the walls as the drove by, I thought of all the people around the world who are knee-to-knee and shoulder-to-shoulder with family or friends tonight, feeling the tension and fear of their situation, struggling to get rest because they are unable to escape the noise of the streets, the "bombs bursting in air", the laws, the fear, the thoughts of police raids....

My class got to walk out of that room. We got to get on a train and return to our apartments, family, and friends. There are many people who don't get to walk away from the tightness and the tension... I do not want this blog to engage in politics, and this is not what I am trying to do. Rather, I wanted to share with you one thing I have learned this week: The stories of people who desperately long to be known as more than a face, a law, a felony, a statistic, a disappointment... I have heard the stories of people who know that God sees them as much more than all of this and they long for the world to see the part in each of them, in each of us, that makes all of us human, dignified, valued, and purposeful.

Tonight, my prayer is for those living in small spaces with great fear--may God's presence overcome them both. And my prayer for those of us who are living with plenty of space and have every reason to sleep peacefully tonight, may we learn to share space and may we learn to share hope.

I wish everyone could go to seminary summer camp. If you ever do get the chance, here's a tip: Walking shoes, not flip-flops, because the city is a big and beautiful place and you do not want to miss a thing.

Back from our Blogging Vacation

2010-07-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

In the past month:

Adrianne got a haircut to help ease the pressure on the incision. Not only did that do the trick in helping the incision on the back of her head heal, but she also looks incredible with shoulder length hair (pictures coming soon). Thankfully, that wraps up any new medical news from the past month!
We have been running regularly. Adrianne and I are up to about two miles a day. These have been welcome breaks from how we have spent the rest of our time.
The rest of our time has been spent doing homework. The summer quarter at Fuller is 13 weeks long but most courses are taught in 1-5 week blocks. Adrianne is taking three courses and will be done with two of them in two-weeks from now. Today she is in downtown Los Angeles for her second day of a one-week intensive. Needless to say, the months of June and July are testing her strength. Thus far, we are very encouraged by how well she is doing.
While Adrianne is busy with all of her course work, I am working on writing my third tutorial paper. The first (of six) tutorials I wrote on how cognitive anthropology and schema theory can be useful in studying understandings of HIV/AIDS in development partnerships. My second tutorial was written specifically on HIV/AIDS. The tutorial I am currently working on is focusing on asymmetries of power in development partnerships. The papers are expected to be between 50-75 pages.
If I am not working on the tutorial, I am most likely working on converting Bryant Myers's (my PhD Advisor) course on Globalization from a face-to-face, on-campus course to be taught in an online format. In order to do this, I had to take a month long on-line course during the month of June.
Although we have been busy, we have managed to laugh a lot and have fun. Thursday nights have become soccer nights with some good friends at Fuller, many of whom we teamed up with for our Ultimate Frisbee team that went undefeated in the regular season only to lose in the championship game.

This, of course, was partly sparked by the World Cup fever that we have caught. We have enjoyed watching the games in my old apartment with a large crew from Allelous.
Additionally, we have been making the most of our tiny kitchen cooking everything from kebabs to apple crisp to homemade bread to lasagna.

Thank you again for all your prayers! We have been so blessed by our community in the past year.

We made it!

2010-06-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

6 months ago today we started our day by getting on our knees next to our bed. Holding back the tears, I surrendered everything to the hands of our good God: My sight, my husband, my life. Then we packed our bags and headed to the hospital. For five hours that day, I underwent brain surgery.

Today, 6 months later, I woke up to freshly cut flowers from our garden and an incredible husband ready to celebrate this day, the past six months, my sight, our marriage, and the life we've been blessed to share together with an incredible community.

We've got much to tell everyone and pictures to prove that we are alive and well. However, it is finals week here at Fuller... and we have until Friday at 5pm to prove to our professors that we are alive and well :)

A great, great visit.

2010-05-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

Before we went to the hospital this afternoon, I got a text from my dad that read, "Feel like you're going to visit an old family member?" He was referring to Dr. Pikul and, of course, he was kidding. But honestly, Pikul feels like family. Maybe because he has cared for me, Nathan, and our families as if we were his own. Or maybe it's because I have never had to wonder if he knew I was more than just a patient--he has always treated me with incredible dignity and has recognized me as a person with a life, family, and community beyond his operating room. Or maybe it's because he operated on my brain and has brought new life and health to my body (I don't discount God's role in this, by the way). Whatever the case, today was thrilling.

We walked in and the receptionist asked us how our honeymoon was. Tina, Dr. Pikul's assistant, called us by name from across the room and asked us how we are doing. She smiled from ear to ear when I told her I was well, really well. And then Dr. Pikul saw us through the waiting room window and waved excitedly and then motioned for us to get to him through the back door. It's almost as if the entire neurosurgery staff that we have worked with has studied the tradition of hospitality, they all truly cared--maybe that's my next paper: What churches might learn from Dr. Pikul's waiting room. I feel more at home and welcomed in that office than I can express.

We met Dr. Pikul at the back door to his office and he walked us to the room. After shaking our hands he said, "The MRI looks fantastic." He talked us through what a 5-month post-operation MRI should look like and then he lined up the last 6 MRIs side-by-side and showed us the healing that has taken place in my brain. Incredible. There is still a minor amount of swelling in the area, but it is nothing to worry about. He showed us where the skull was drilled into, how they maneuvered through the brain to get to the mass, and what to expect on future MRIs.

But then the appointment got even better. He asked for our help in connecting him with some people in Africa. He has an opportunity to do neurosurgeries in Africa and would love to go, but after a bit of research. Nathan and I were giddy at the thought of helping him and thrilled that he was willing to ask us. We got to talk a bit about what we're doing--beyond what he already knew--Fuller, Africa, and Christian humanitarianism. Incredible.

He continues to love us through his profession, we continue to pray for him and each of his patients, and maybe now we'll get to give something tangible back. Dr. Pikul knows much about us and our studies, and we were just one of his appointments today. I hope everyone who left his office today, or anyone in any doctor's office today, left feeling like they just saw family.

Next MRI: 6 months

Free to drive and ride a bike: June 10

Prayers: Thanksgiving and praise. Prayers for the person having urgent surgery tomorrow morning.

To You: Thanks. We are blessed.

Another memory...

2010-05-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

I had another MRI this afternoon/evening and I will hear the results tomorrow when I meet with Dr. Pikul at 3:45pm. I tried hard today to get a lot of work done, but today surprised me with a fair amount of anxiety about this afternoon's test. All went well, in fact, today was one of the better technicians I have ever had. The MRI doesn't make me nervous, but the injections they administer during the MRI have been quite painful sometimes, but today was a breeze. The technician was a real gentleman, it was obvious that his job was more to him than a paycheck. It's amazing how obvious it can be when someone genuinely cares about the people they're working with.

Each MRI takes about an hour, so when the repetitive noises don't put me to sleep, they bring back a lot of memories.

36 hours after brain surgery I had to have an MRI. I had a fresh 6 inch incision in the back of my head, I was extremely sensitive to light, I was legally blind, I had tubes and wires coming out from me in every direction, and I was in a lot of pain. It was about 11pm when it was my turn for an MRI. Three nurses wheeled me down to the MRI machine, they switched the bed I was on and began to stuff sheets inside the helmet-like contraption I had to wear (and still have to) for the MRI. Then they put a sheet over my forehead and taped my head down to the sheet-covered casing and followed the tape with a bar that locked my head into place. They don't have to lock my head into place anymore, I think they did that because of the high level of drugs I was on. I was ready for the MRI, but someone's timing was off and I had to sit in that contraption for what felt like forever before I could get into the MRI.

They had me waiting in the hallway where the walls and lights couldn't have seemed any brighter. The hallway was lonely and for the first time since I woke up from surgery, I was really, really scared. It was mostly the pain that scared me. I had a horrific headache to the point tears were streaming down my face at a rate I had never experienced. The muscles behind my eyes throbbed from the light and my incision felt like it was splitting open. On top of all of this, my pain medications were wearing off.

I remember praying for the pain to go away. My desperate pleas were similar to the pleas I cried when I first found out I had a brain tumor. I was shaking. The nurse that remained by my side kept adding blankets because she thought I was cold, but I was in too much pain to tell her why I was shaking. I begged God to come into my pain, to take it away, to turn off the lights...anything...

Suddenly, loud music flooded the hallway. I heard the nurse say, "Music? I've never heard music down here before." She left my side to figure out where it was coming from, she told me she'd be right back. The music didn't hurt my head, I remember wanting to listen because it made me forget a bit of my pain. I listened and this is what I heard:

The very same God

That spins things in orbit
Runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory

Now I know, my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry
I-I-I know
My Redeemer

He lives
To take away my shame
And He lives
Forever I'll proclaim
That the payment for my sins
Was the precious life He gave
And now He's alive and
There's an empty
Grave!

And I know
My Redeemer lives
He lives
I know
My Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry
I-I-I know my Redeemer

This is a song by Nicole C. Mullen. After the chorus played my nurse came back. She was frustrated. She couldn't figure out where the music was coming from. The song ended and so did the music--this was the only song played. After having MRI number 9, I still have not heard music played in any of the MRI locations again. I had not heard this song before, but I know I will never forget it. I took this to be an answered prayer--this was God's way of entering my pain. The pain never stopped, but the song reminded me that God was with me in the pain and he was going to get me through.

The rest of that night was dramatic. By the time they got me back to my room, they had already switched Nathan to my going-to-be-new room out of the ICU, but because of the high levels of pain, my body basically went into shock. They gave me two injections of morphine and two pills of Vicodin. This sank my heart rate to 36 beats per minute and Nathan walked back into my ICU room watching 7 doctors/nurses around my bed trying to wake me up. I remained in the ICU for another night because of this episode.

I remember being horrified for both my own life and for Nathan. I remember Nathan's head poking through the doctor's trying to see me and I watched him get pushed out of the way. I saw him sit down and put his face in his hands and I saw new needles and tubes enter my body. But as I watched all of this, Nicole C. Mullen's line, "I know that my redeemer lives," kept playing through my mind.

This was the memory today's MRI evoked. But today I wasn't the weary, the worn, or the weak, and God was still with me. We'll let you know the results tomorrow. We're praying for great, great news!

MRI, take 9

2010-05-05T13:39:00.000-07:00

I have an MRI and follow-up appointment with my neurosurgeon on May 18.

Two things about this upcoming MRI & appointment:

1. When I was told I needed "urgent" surgery, I had to wait 24 hours to get the surgery date because the surgeon's office had to call a number of patients and reschedule their appointments in order to open a day for surgery for me. I remember feeling bad that I was making other people reschedule their appointments, but I was grateful for everyone's willingness to oblige and make it possible for me to have brain surgery quickly.

This past week, I received a call asking if I could switch my appointment from May 19 to May 18 because someone is in need of urgent surgery that day. This was the phone call they made for me once. I happily obliged. Not only was I thrilled to not be the one they were rescheduling for, but I hope that the phone call many got in December asking for a switch was a relief to them, too.

But I cannot help but think about that person constantly. I know what that person is going through, thinking, scared of, etc., and I'm guessing they don't also have an urgent wedding and honeymoon to occupy their mind. Nor do they likely have people flying in from all over the country to visit them, redo their apartment, or shower them with love in the form of celebration. I find myself praying for this person hourly. That they might have the peace that Nathan and I had, the community and support that we had, and the trust and faith in God that Nathan and I clung to.

I realize these surgeries happen far more often than I allow myself to think about, but being on the receiving end of that phone call has left me praying harder for the surgery on May 19 than for my own update on May 18. Pray for that person. He/she needs the Church right now. I only wish I could know who it was and tell them I'm praying for them!

2. Nathan and I were terrified of the hospital bills when we first found out I needed surgery. I remember asking him how we were going to afford brain surgery, a week's hospital stay, several MRIs, check-ups, prescriptions, etc. etc. I won't get into all of the details, but I do want to say thanks. God's provision came via anonymous envelopes stuffed with cash, checks with the memo: Hospital Bills, and people giving of their time and resources to make sure two poor graduate students on their way to Africa didn't fall into a financial pit.

How this relates to the upcoming MRI: A good friend of ours sent us a letter a while back with the exact amount of cash we pay for each MRI in the envelope. The note read: For the good MRI.

So MRI number 9 is paid for in full by a dear friend of ours. I saved the cash for this one because I know it's going to be good. Thanks for giving of yourselves. Pray for the person awaiting urgent surgery on May 19.

How He Loves

2010-04-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

On November 27, 2009, Nathan and I announced we were moving our wedding up from January 2, in Des Moines, IA to December 5, in Pasadena, CA due to my diagnosis of a brain tumor. That day, one week before our wedding, 7 of my friends from the Midwest (Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri, and Minnesota) booked plane tickets so they could join in the wedding celebration. Incredible, incredible friends.

They spent Friday night and Saturday before the wedding with me doing everything they could possibly think of to help me forget about the surgery coming five days from then and make me feel like a bride -- they succeeded.

After Nathan and I got married, we headed off to Malibu for a couple days before the surgery. Meanwhile, the girls from the Midwest spent a crazy 48 hours cleaning, unpacking, painting, and organizing our apartment so we could return to a place that felt like home after the surgery. Incredible, incredible friends.

Before they left Pasadena to return back to the school, work, or coaching they skipped out on for our wedding, they were caught on tape singing to the one who taught them how to be such incredible friends...

Watch this.

On the healthy side of memories...

2010-04-26T18:08:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, Nathan and I got to spend 2 days at Nathan's grandparent's home in Pismo Beach, CA with a couple of our good friends, Kenny and Kristin. We thoroughly enjoyed the rest, the beach, the Frisbee, great company, good food, and the NBA playoffs :)

However, the time of rest turned out to be a bit more of an emotional weekend for me than I had anticipated. I disregarded the heaviness of the trip at first, chalking it up to exhaustion after two very difficult weeks in school, but, as Nathan began to sing a song neither of us had heard since the last time we were at the beach house in September, the memories that weighed on me so heavily flooded my mind.

The last time we were there, we spent several days on the beach with a group of friends in ideal weather conditions--sunny and hot. One day in particular, we took our Frisbee and played for a bit, but the short sprints exhausted my body quickly. I rested until Nathan and I decided to run along the sand dunes, diving down the steepest dunes. I remember feeling sick and tired, exhausted far sooner than I should have been. After working hard to return the sand from our bodies to the beach, the group of friends gathered together to decide dinner plans. We were standing in a circle and I remember feeling hot, dizzy, flushed, and tired. Then, right there on the beach, I had the most severe seizure I had all of last year. I spent the next two days in the beach house sleeping the migraine off, or trying to. I remember Nathan checking in on me often and for the first time I told him that the visual hallucinations and migraines were scaring me. I knew then it was something serious, something more than migraines, but I was clueless how to explain any of this to a doctor. We left the beach and drove home, stopping several times because the pain in my eyes and head wouldn't allow for long stretches of driving time.

But I have to tell you the memory that stands out to me from our September trip to Pismo: I was in one of the downstairs bedrooms laying down and I could hear Nathan and our friends upstairs, playing their guitars, talking about life, school, and everything else. Then Kawika, one of our friends, started praying as he played his guitar--praying for me. Everyone else joined in and I could hear their prayers for God's mercy on my head, His provision, His healing, His grace, and His will to be done. None of us knew how serious that headache actually was, a brain mass would have been our last guess, but they prayed for several minutes for God's intervention. What an incredible memory...

This past weekend, I often found myself holding back humbled tears of gratitude, praise, and pure joy, knowing how far Nathan and I have come since our last visit to Pismo Beach and knowing that we have a relationship with a God who hears the prayers His people sing.

This trip, we spent hours on the beach playing Frisbee, running, diving in the sand dunes, enjoying the hot and bright sun. I have never been so grateful to be on the healthy side of memories. Though my sunglasses never came off because I'm still very protective of my eyes, I felt great running and playing. I haven't felt that great in a very, very long time.

I think Pismo beach will always remind me of that seizure. But it will also remind me of the prayers our friends sang that day and the God whose provision, healing, and route to answered prayers is perfect.

We'll be in Pismo again in two weeks, and this time we'll be celebrating Nathan's 30th birthday! Grateful for memories made and memories to come.

Pictures

2010-04-14T20:19:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to have an appointment this morning with my neurologist, but she called yesterday to check in and asked if there was any reason I needed to keep the appointment. Neither of us could think of any reason, so we got to cancel the appointment! Yes!

We're completely inundated with school work once again. Nathan is full-speed ahead on his current PhD tutorial and both of my classes are underway. Nathan and I are currently sitting in the same 2-week intensive on Relief, Refugees, and Conflict. Nathan is the TA. I am a student. We've done this once before...and then we got married :) (Don't worry, he does not grade my papers!)

The transition to the higher dose of anti-seizure medicine has gone smoothly, though I still require an afternoon nap! I've been energetic enough to workout most days and I'm reading close to 4 hours a day! This is as healthy as I have felt since August/September! Yes! The other day I asked Nathan if we could do all of this over again, would he change anything? He said no. I agreed. We are overjoyed with the blessing our first four months of marriage has been :)

We're talking quite seriously with a couple organizations about partnering with them in our research and vocational beginnings. Prayers for those conversations are much appreciated! Decisions should be made in the next month or so and as soon as we know more about who we will be working with and what we will be doing, we'll disclose what we're up to, but we are still in the conversation stage at this point. We can tell you that we'll likely be in Africa this fall for a couple of months and moving there on a more permanent scale in the Summer/Fall of 2011. 4 months ago this was only a dream.

Pictures:

December 5, 2009: Wedding day! Ryan Towe Photography

December 12, 2009: Waltzing with Nathan in the hospital 2 days after brain surgery -- celebrating our one-week wedding anniversary!

January 2, 2010: Des Moines, IA wedding reception. Carter Photo & Design

The Latest

2010-03-30T20:53:00.001-07:00

Hey Again,

I suppose our few-and-far-between blog posts are a good thing, but there is certainly room for improvement on writing the positive updates, not just the negative ones :)

I am quite sure we are among some of the most prayed for honeymooners out there. Thanks heaps for the many people who were praying for rest and health on our cruise! We traveled the Mexican Riviera for 8 days via a ship and had a blast. Apparently, we were in much need of a break! We learned that we are capable of sleeping 10 hours at night and we can follow those up with 2 hour naps in the afternoon!

We read (for fun) a lot, played heaps of miniature golf, went snorkeling in Ixtapa, walked the beaches of Acapulco for hours, ate lots of chips and salsa in Mexico, loved lobster night on the ship, and the list goes on. We had a great time. By the end of the trip, we were sleeping near-normal hours again and looking forward to doing something of purpose again. We arrived back in Pasadena on Saturday fired up about getting to work.

Health:

We were thankful to come home to no messages from doctors! Yes! This might be the longest we've ever gone in our married life without a call from a doctor! Hallelujah! We have yet to hear from cardiology, so we're assuming all is well with my heart. It's amazing to be able to sit in a room with a chief cardiologist one day and hear him say, "There is a hole in your heart" quite definitively--and then to sit in a room with 6 doctors and a camera down my throat confused about where the hole went. Really God? Really?

My head treated me well while on the cruise, but I was hit with a pretty severe migraine Saturday night that lasted until Monday. To my awareness, there was not a seizure with the migraine. Yes! I went for a "run" this afternoon and felt reasonably well, so things are looking up.

My anti-seizure medicine is slowly increasing in dosage. I am handling it well, though I felt a bit drugged today, hopefully by next week I will feel as normal as possible. The current outlook is that I will need to remain on this medicine until December 10 (the one-year anniversary of the surgery) because of the seizure a few weeks ago. The cause of the seizure remains unknown, though we have reason to believe it was instigated by dehydration.

Other than that, everything is going really, really well. I am so grateful for the many emails I received with such great advice about coming out of "crisis-mode." Nathan and I are beginning to enjoy freedom and the absence of doctors and I am constantly able to do more and more without being afraid of seizures or other consequences. This is fun. We are grateful.

Nathan has kicked off his next PhD tutorial and I am taking 2 classes (not quite a full load) this quarter. We're so grateful for your prayers. Considering the diagnoses we received 4 months ago, we sure are sitting pretty at the moment.

Please keep praying hard and encouraging others who are facing tough times. If you're someone facing a tough time, let other people in--dark circumstances don't have to be dark. If you're near someone facing a tough time, do whatever it takes to let them know they're loved--remind them they're not alone.

We couldn't have done it without you--boy it feels so good to use the word "done."

God is good.

Official Read on MRI

2010-03-18T14:18:00.001-07:00

We received a call this morning and the official word on Sunday's MRI is that, from a neurosurgical standpoint, there is nothing of any concern. YES! We are finally taking another deep breath and happily pushing chemotherapy, radiation, and corrective surgery back off the table--prayerfully, for good.

Nathan has 10 papers left to grade and Adrianne has 10 pages left to write. Then tomorrow morning we're getting on a boat and we're going on--what feels like a much deserved--honeymoon :)

Thank you Church.
Thank you God.

MRI Unofficial Read

2010-03-16T14:34:00.001-07:00

Hey Everyone,

Thanks heaps for your prayers. A quick update on what we learned today:

-- We got to see the MRI, but the final analysis of the test is not back yet, so this is our preliminary and unofficial read: There appears to be no new growth or abnormalities, but there is still a quarter-sized area in my brain that is swollen and trying to heal. Our fear was new growth, so this is a relief. But knowing that swelling remains, I am not in the clear as much as I hoped to be at this point in regards to medicines, exercise, and studying. There was not a significant amount of change between this MRI and the last, likely meaning I have not been allowing my brain to heal as it needs.

Basically, last week was a seizure so either a) the medicine isn't high enough, b) I was too physically active/too much sun, c) I put too much stress on my eyes/mind/body with 10-hour days of school work, d) all of the above. Therefore:
-- We decided that it is best to increase my anti-seizure dosage in order to test that variable. There are too many variables at the moment to know what might have caused the seizure, so we're trying to isolate different variables in order to better understand what my body might be reacting to--I can remain in school and physically active for now, as long as I do not push my body too far. We were going to increase the dose immediately, but they agreed to let us wait until after our honeymoon. This confirms that I will not be taking a full class load next quarter.
-- 10-hour days of studying are not allowed. Neither are high stress situations, hours in the sun, or activities with active lighting (animated movies for now!).

There are a few other experiments that will take place, but I won't take any more of your time. Good news from today is that the doctors fully expect my health and medicine trials to be stable enough to leave for Africa mid-September. Yes!

Thanks for praying,

n&a

Waiting...

2010-03-14T11:51:00.001-07:00

I had the MRI this morning and we're hoping to hear results tomorrow or Tuesday.

Thanks for the many prayers! Nathan and I are holding up real well--we took yesterday off and went to Manhattan Beach all afternoon and spent the evening in a bookstore reading (for fun), chatting, and having a hot drink. It felt like a vacation! Hopefully we don't regret our little vacation day as we enter into finals week at Fuller.

We'll let you know as soon as we hear. Thanks for praying with us.

Adrianne

MRI Sunday

2010-03-12T12:04:00.000-08:00

After many phone and email conversations with the doctors in the last couple days, an "urgent" MRI has been scheduled for Sunday at 9:30am. We hope to hear results on that Monday.

We meet with the neurologist on Tuesday to talk through everything with her, but after emailing with her several times this week the assumption is that what happened on Tuesday was a seizure.

The MRI will hopefully(read: prayerfully) show no change and we can chalk the seizure up to 4 consecutive 10-hour days of research and writing. The good news is I'm down to 2.5 papers to write (down from 8) in order to finish off this quarter and last quarter's incomplete courses.

So, once again, we wait. We had a heavy conversation with a doctor on Wednesday about the possibility of corrective surgery. Granted, that's an extreme, but the mere possibility of it is unnerving and discouraging. So we rely on the prayers of the Church once again. In the meantime, life resumes as normal.

Thanks,

n&a

Wrench in the Works

2010-03-10T10:47:00.001-08:00

Today was the day I was supposed to start exercising and cut my medicine dosages in half. Unfortunately, today is not that day. Yesterday, for the first time since November 25, 2009, I had another episode of hallucinations followed by a migraine. This halted my day around 2pm yesterday afternoon.

We've contacted the doctors, as we have been instructed to if this happened, and we're hoping to hear back from the neurosurgeon this afternoon about follow-up. We're guessing this might mean we have to go in for another MRI and review.

These episodes of visual hallucinations, blindness, and migraines were previously caused by the mass in my brain, which was removed 3 months ago today. Therefore, these episodes should not be happening. We are aware that any minor amount of swelling can trigger these episodes and the last MRI revealed a bit of swelling.

So, we're likely to be back in the hospital this week with more injections and an MRI testing for a change of activity in the healing of my brain.

In the meantime, exercise and change of medicines will be put on hold. Bummer.

Thanks for your prayers.

Adrianne

Crisis Mode

2010-03-02T21:37:00.000-08:00

We were in Shafter this past weekend for the grand finale to our wedding season. We were so blessed to be surrounded by more friends and family who have been walking with us in prayer since the Thanksgiving diagnosis. We were so encouraged by the presence of so many and the incredible conversations. A much needed and timely lift. So, thanks Shafter (and Modesto, Pasadena, Washington, Fresno, Reedly, etc.)!

I received an email asking--After all of these miracles, how now can we pray?

Thanks for asking. I'll tell you.

Nathan and I have been living in crisis mode since November 20--the night the MRI tech told me he saw something abnormal--his findings were confirmed on November 24, 2009. I made it to the hospital parking lot before I began to weep and we've been living on an emotional roller coaster since that night. The only mode Nathan and I have known within our shared life together is crisis. Now, we're trying to figure out how to come down from that.

It is weird to suddenly be done--or so we're hoping. I almost feel like it would be easier to come off of these last few months after a heart operation and feel as though we've put in our time and earned our freedom. But I am likely about to receive a "get out of jail free" card and suddenly I'm healthy and free. What? What does that look like? It's kind of like accepting God's grace and forgiveness when we feel most inept and guilty. I would prefer God's tangible and visible triumph over another operation and I would much rather tell a story of a miracle than any other. Isn't this what we always hope for and pray for? A miracle?

I'm grateful for the free pass, don't get me wrong, I cannot begin to explain to you how grateful I am. I think part of my struggle is that I'm still living in crisis mode because I currently can't remember how to live in any other. Nor do Nathan and I know what it is to be married and not be in crisis.

So, my prayer is this: I want to not look over my shoulder. I want to put my phone down and walk away from it, not nervous to miss a phone call from the hospital. I want to be in the sunshine and not fear that I'm going to have a seizure. I want to breathe deeper and easier. I want to understand a married life that has a to-do list that we can put off or a calendar that we can ignore. Above all else, I want to understand the miracle and gain a stronger grip on the love and faithfulness of the God behind the miracle. I want to call it a miracle without a questioning tone in my voice.

I'm finding it surprisingly hard to be at peace with a miracle. I believe it's possible--I don't doubt it for a moment, but I'm still looking over my shoulder. Honestly, this is all really hard to admit. But if I have learned nothing else through all of this, I have learned that opening up my struggles, confusion, pain, and despair into the arms of praying people and the Church is an expedient path to strength, peace, and hope.

So, prayers for peace. Prayers for looking ahead, not over a shoulder.

Any thoughts or words of wisdom on how to move from crisis mode to "normal?"

Miracle? In writing...

2010-02-26T12:22:00.000-08:00

What was supposed to be a 15-20 minute procedure yesterday (taking pictures of my heart via a camera down my throat) turned into a 45 minute procedure, 1 tech, 2 nurses, and 6 different doctors because no one could find the hole...

It's gone! According to the 45 minutes of searching, the 15-20 different angles they viewed of the heart, and the several professionals in the room looking at side-by-side images of the first video tape (that revealed a hole) and the live taping... no one could find a hole.

We're waiting for confirmation, but at this point, there is no heart surgery in my future :) I just got chills writing that...we are so thankful.

We are planning a honeymoon!

Blessed. Humbled. In awe of God.

n&a

Miracle?

2010-02-25T22:57:00.000-08:00

We couldn't get this up fast enough...

Thank you for your prayers and support. We told you our desire was to live a life that could only be explained by a living God :)

Another Update

2010-02-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

I was supposed to have an appointment with the neurologist this afternoon to discuss the high doses of medicine I'm still on, but the Nurse Practitioner called me yesterday morning and said, "You have too many appointments, let's take care of this over the phone." Great! So between yesterday morning and this morning, we've been emailing and calling trying to figure things out. We reached a resolution!

My concern was that the dosage of my anti-seizure medicine was far too high. After a great deal of reasoning, on both the neurologist side and mine, we have decided that after March 10 I can decrease the dose from 1000mg/day to 500mg/day.

The neurologist was firm that I need to stay on the medicine--beyond the 3 month brain surgery protocol--for one year. She said if I am convinced I need to be off the medicine, I cannot drive for a long time. So, I figured if she was this serious about it, I should listen to her, but I am thankful that she reduced my dosage.

So, thanks for praying for that...maybe now I'll be able to remember what it is I am studying :)

Tomorrow is a big day with the TEE exam. We'll be at the hospital around 1:45pm and hopefully released by 5pm, barring no complications. My parents fly in this afternoon and we're looking forward to a(nother) time of celebration with friends and family this weekend in Shafter!

Thanks for loving so well.

Heads and Hearts and Other Things...

2010-02-16T22:02:00.000-08:00

Here is the latest video update. Hope it finds you well.

Peace,
The Penners

Appt. with our Neurosurgeon

2010-02-15T20:26:00.001-08:00

Hey Friends,

We had a very important appointment today with Dr. Pikul our (phenomenal) brain surgeon. We have a lot to share with you--all eventually good news. We've been racing all day and haven't had a chance to do a video, but it will be a priority in the morning. Thanks for praying and thanks to all those who got a hold of us today, assuring us of your prayers. We continue to realize how deeply we are in need of God's grace.

Upcoming appointments, for those who asked:

February 24: Neurologist, trying to rearrange post-op medication
February 25: Cardiology, TEE (test where they stick the camera down my throat)
March 2: Optometry, vision check
May 25: MRI (number 8!)

TBD: Heart operation

We'll fill you in on the details tomorrow with a video update.

Hope filled.

Adrianne

Quick Update

2010-02-03T16:08:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long delay in updates. The main reason is that there has not been much new to report. We do have a couple appointments coming up: first, there is another routine MRI on Friday, February 12 and a consultation with our excellent neurosurgeon Dr. Pikul the following Monday, February 15. Second, on February 25 the next step will be taken to gain more information on the state of the hole in Adrianne's heart. It is comforting to know that the doctors are in no rush to find out about this, especially knowing that they do rush when they are worried about something: think brain mass. All this to say there are a bunch of trips to Hollywood in the horizon, but for now we get a bit of a break and we are enjoying the relief.

On a brighter note, Adrianne and I went for a jog yesterday and there were no headaches involved! It was the first time we really tested that aspect of things. Before the surgery every time she would work out it would be followed with a splitting headache/migraine with hallucinations and everything. So to go for a short run with no side effects other then a touch of soreness was a sign of real progress.

In the meantime, I am starting to train for a 200 mile relay race with several friends here at Fuller. The run, in May, will go from Calistoga to Santa Cruz. This will be my first organized run since high school cross country. It should be a lot of fun.

Through the shock -- onto gratitude!

2010-01-23T14:25:00.001-08:00

Hey,

We're beyond the shock of yesterday's news and able to see the hope in the situation much, much easier. We realize that this is likely the answer to our prayers, we didn't realize though that we were so convinced that God would answer our prayers in a way that didn't include another operation or two. But, we're grateful for the answered prayers for sure!

We've also learned quite a bit more about the operation that fixes the hole in the heart and we're confident in the frequency and non-invasiveness of the procedure.

We're grateful for your prayers for comfort and peace. We're feeling way, way better about the whole situation. We were sort of shell-shocked last night, to the point that we didn't allow ourselves to see through to the hope and conclusions this discovery permits. Yes!

Grateful for a God who is still faithful, even when we forget to trust :)

n&a

Getting to the Heart of the Matter...hopefully

2010-01-22T20:19:00.000-08:00

We know some people are watching our blog with a slow connection, so we want to reiterate what we said on the video in writing, for those of you uploading via dial-up :)

Today I had an ultrasound on my heart in order to check to see if I had a hole in my heart. My Aunt Ann works with anesthesiology in Nebraska and has seen a number of neurosurgeries--she also knows my medical history better than anyone in my family. While at home in early January, she reminded me that I had a heart murmur at birth and she informed me about an extremely rare heart-brain connection when holes in the heart are present. I mentioned this to my doctors who didn't seem concerned by the information, but obliged by referring this echo-cardiogram for me.

Apparently, if a person has a hole in one of the chambers of the heart, bacteria can flow from the part of the heart where it is safe, to the chamber of the heart that sends blood to the brain (and other places you don't want bacteria floating around).

Well, today's exam revealed that a hole in my heart is a likely prognosis. The operator of the exam thought he found a hole, so he pulled in the Chief Cardiologist for Kaiser's pediatric wing and he confirmed the tech's findings. They ran a test where they pushed bubbles through my blood to show a better picture of the blood's action. These tests will be sent to specialists to be confirmed--we should find out results early next week.

If confirmed (this is what we're expecting), there will be 2 operations/procedures. First, a procedure to confirm the size, shape, and location of the hole will be done via a tube down my throat. This is an outpatient procedure, done with anesthesia and local analgesics.

Second, an operation to close the hole in my heart in order to prevent another bacterial abscess. This operation could be highly invasive or not-so-invasive, the size of the hole will determine that.

So, we need your prayers as this was a pretty big punch in the stomach when we were expecting to check this test off of our list and finally go see The Princess and the Frog (never made it)!

What we didn't do a great job of expressing in the video is that this is potentially great news--minus the added procedures. If this was the cause of the abscess, then it's settled, and settled is where we want this all to be!

Thanks heaps for praying. We need them, feel them, and appreciate them.

Be blessed!

Pasadena Pictures

2010-01-19T17:26:00.001-08:00

My brother, Ryan Towe, did a lot of the pictures for the Pasadena wedding! Take a look!

Just as a note, I'm going back to see the doctors tomorrow morning because some weird things have been happening with my head in the past week! I'm in a position where I really don't trust my body right now and that can be as dangerous as it can be helpful. I'm suspicious of every creak since we're without a diagnoses or the assurance that all is well throughout my body. So, after a few suspicious reactions from my body, the doctor has called us in. Prayers for resolution and peace are appreciated :)

Thanks for loving.

Des Moines "Wedding" Pictures

2010-01-15T09:41:00.000-08:00

Friends of the family did the photography for our Des Moines celebration, check out their blog for a couple of pictures from that day! Thanks Joel & Cara!

Soliciting prayers!

2010-01-12T14:58:00.001-08:00

Hello again,

We just received a phone call from the infectious disease doctor. Here is the update:

The UCLA parasitologist examined the slides from the mass removed from my brain and the Lake Malawi (cistosomyosis) has been ruled out; however, the doctors want to figure this out. So, all of the slides and remaining samples are currently on their way to the Armed Forces Infectious Disease in Washington D.C. and to the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, GA.

We are praying that they figure out what it was the caused the mass not only for my sake, but for the sake of others who can be helped, treated, and better cared for after a greater understanding of my case. Pray that this ends with a greater understanding of international health and wellness, that others can be helped and better treated because of the extensive work being done on this brain mass, and lastly, that this would provide conclusions and answer questions of treatment and the long-term implications of this mass/parasite for my own health.

Thankful for a God who longs to answer the cries of his Church.

Adrianne

Lookin' Good

2010-01-11T15:29:00.000-08:00

Hello again, sorry for the delayed update. The last week has been busy for me (Nathan) as I have been catching up with work and life. Adrianne has also been busy, but her primary activity has been sleeping and getting better which she has been acing thus far. In fact, we just got back from Kaiser and told us that the latest MRI is showing that her brain is healing very well and that everything looks good! Praise God!!! Here is a little video filling you in on everything. Thank you for your prayers, God has truly been faithful.

At the moment YouTube has yet to process the video, but it should be up shortly.

MRI Today

2010-01-05T21:30:00.001-08:00

Thanks everyone for the prayers, calls and texts regarding today's MRI!

Today was extremely uneventful. I had the MRI and then we left. We have an appointment at 9:45am on Monday, January 11 with the doctors to hear the MRI report and the latest pathology reports.

Until then, no news is good news. Nathan and I thoroughly enjoyed being on campus today and seeing a bunch of familiar faces. Today felt more normal than any of the previous 40 days--we were grateful for a bit of normalcy and we're looking forward to normalcy becoming, well, the norm--at least for a bit.

Our Iowa celebration was a blast--thanks to everyone who made it possible. More on that later! For now, sleep!

The Sequel

2010-01-02T06:16:00.000-08:00

Today is 1-2-10. It has a nice ring to it, and it would have been the day we exchanged rings, said our vows and became husband and wife, Nathan and Adrianne Penner. If you have been following our story and have read this blog, you know well that our plans have dramatically changed and today is a celebration of God's faithfulness as made evident in His answer to so many of your prayers, in the work of His people, and in the reflection of His glory in His bride, the Church.

It is a bit weird trying to describe what is going on today. As we were renting cars my uncle told the Enterprise representative as I walked up that the family was there for my wedding. The representative then got confused when she saw me wearing a ring and my uncle said that I was already married. We simply told her that it is a long story, a good one, but long.

Adrianne and I are looking forward to the celebration, not because it is our wedding since we already had the best wedding anyone could ever hope for, but because it is going to be a time of worship. We get to worship a God that answers prayers, but not always in ways that we would choose. For example, we wanted our union to bring people together, to truly involve our community. Looking back, we are excited that Allelous, Fuller, Pasadena Mennonite, Meredith Drive, and Shafter MB have all told us how they have grown closer to each other and to God as a result of the journey we have shared with them. This is far more than we had ever anticipated, but to have it done through Adrianne having brain surgery would not be our first choice. Another example, we prayed for record high temperatures in Des Moines on January 2. Turns out we are getting some record lows, it was -17 and felt like -31 when I went to pick up my mom this morning! Good to know that God has a sense of humor!!!

We worship a God that has overcome death, so that even when I let my wife go into brain surgery I knew that she does not need to fear even the worst outcome, because the one we follow has even gone there in order to save us. We know that it is not on His death that our faith is built, but on the resurrection. It is because He lives! Today we celebrate the miracles of the past month. Friday and Saturday were hard, but then there was Sunday.

Iowa

2009-12-30T08:44:00.000-08:00

Just a short note to let you know how things are going. We made it to the Towe House on Tuesday morning around 4am after being delayed at LAX for two and a half hours. This delay made us miss our connecting flight out of the twin cities and so rather then having us stay overnight there and miss some Tuesday morning meetings, Lee (my father-in-law) drove the four hours north to pick us up then turned around and drove back. Thankfully, we didn't come across any weather to make it more adventuresome. Of course, being from California I thought the fact that the thermometer was at 0 the majority of the trip counted for something.

Today my parents will be arriving, fortunately it is a warm day as a light 1-2 inches of snow falls at a balmy 27!

Adrianne is doing really well, she is currently out getting fitted for her wedding dress which she will now get to wear for the Sequel. Afterwards her and BJ (my mother-in-law) will be out running a few errands in preparation for Saturday. We have not heard anything from Kaiser for several days, which is very good news at this point. We are not expecting any news until after the MRI on January 5, and probably not until our appointment on January 11. In the meantime, we will be bringing in 2010 with much to be thankful for, not the least of which is your support.

Medical Update

2009-12-27T11:12:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Nathan and I were able to make it to all of the family events in Fresno and Shafter! Yes! Car rides required a few stops and a few extra Tylenol, but everything has been manageable. We're incredibly thankful for how well the recovery has gone.

Here is a quick update on the medical side of things:

1. The next MRI is scheduled for January 5 with a follow-up and MRI reading appointment on January 11. This is the important MRI. If there is as much activity on this upcoming MRI as there was on last week's, a decision about chemotherapy and/or radiation will be made. We're praying that the MRI shows up clean, which might be considered another miracle from how much activity there was on the last one.

2. We got a call from the infectious disease specialist who thinks he might be onto something. After sitting down the the I.D. doctors and giving them the list of all the places I have traveled, the crazy things I have eaten, etc. etc., they came across research about a parasite that lives in Lake Malawi (Malawi, Africa: one of the places I went SCUBA diving last year) that can cause brain lesions. So, they're running tests for that parasite now. This is their only lead up to this point.

Other than that lead, the doctors remain stumped. We received official word that everything has been sent to UCLA for their pathology team to look at. UCLA is very busy and their reports could take a month or more to receive back. So we're praying for quick results back from them in case there is any follow-up treatment that needs to be done quickly.

Good news: I am now taking less pain medications (Tylenol) than I was to manage the migraines and headaches for the few months before the surgery! This is a huge improvement!

We are flying to Iowa tomorrow, assuming we don't receive any calls from the doctors tomorrow morning, and we're looking forward to spending time and celebrating with family and friends in the Midwest.

We'll keep you updated as we hear, but at this point most of the news we receive is that we're still waiting and doctors and still working to find solutions. We were told that no news is good news--so we're thankful we don't have much more to share with you.

To God be the glory--great things he hath done!